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How do I get him to listen to me?

I've had a really rough year this past year between the media harassing me, my best friend committing suicide, my grandmother dying, having a baby, and I live 500 miles away from any family or friends. I just had our daughter 3 weeks ago and he's upset when the house isn't spotless... I've mentioned that I need help and for him to be a little more patient with me bc I'm still trying to get my head on strait from my grandmother dying last week. He admitted to trying to make me feel like he doesn't care about wether we're together or not. I just need support right now and I don't know how to get him to support me emotionally and not just financially. I've tried to make him feel important in the baby's life and try to keep him involved but he just complains about it. What can I do??

 
not-so-des-hw

Asked by not-so-des-hw at 5:41 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • To get a mule's attention you hit them with a 2 x 4 but I hear that's not acceptable for humans. ok that was a joke. how to get a man to listen? Now there is a million dollar question. Getting him to listen AND care is even more valuable of a question. If telling him doesn't do it then I have no clue. You can't force him to care. You didn't mention if he was dh or bf/so. That makes a difference as well. Some men, no matter the label, just want to be served. They have no desire to serve their mate and to play the part of caring doting mate. We can be supportive of you but I don't think we can actually help you make him listen and respond the way you are hoping. If his mom didn't teach him to be a man then not sure we can.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:06 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Does not sound to me like he is the right guy for you. What you just said about him,,, he is a abusive man.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • This is a hard thing to answer. In my case i would be damned if my man came home bitching about the house not being spotless because life isnt a fairy tale and its very unrealistic to have such high demands for a wife. If he doesnt realize what he has maybe you should make him realize!
    Kbmancine

    Answer by Kbmancine at 5:59 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • and i agree, he does show signs of being abusive.
    Kbmancine

    Answer by Kbmancine at 6:00 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • If you are asking him to help take care of the baby, he may be scared out of his wits. Most men don't even know which end of a baby to diaper, much less how to put one on. I think the best way to get a man to help is by telling him that he will be helping you to be a better wife by taking just a little pressure off of you. You can tell him that you enjoy his company and ask him to help you do certain chores with you. He may gradually gain enough confidence to do things alone, but it can take a while. A man would rather you think he is a lazy bum than to have you think that he is incompetent. We sometimes defeat our own cause by complaining about evey little thing a man tries to do not being done exactly the way we would do it. Pay him some sincere compliments and you will have him eating right out of your little hand.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • We spend time together cleaning larger areas all the while joking and listening to crappy 80's music. LOL I let him know how much I enjoy that time with him and that I really am tickled to have his help. Just assure him you would love to spend more time with him and if he would give you a hand then that is bonding time. We have had many great conversations over a sink full of dirty dishes.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 6:31 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I don't think he wants to be with you...He is not going to listen to you because he does not care.
    missvicky

    Answer by missvicky at 7:39 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are going through so much, sweetie. Sorry to be so blunt, but this guy is a worthless jerk that cares only about himself. Several years ago I was where you are at, I couldn't take it. I was out of the hospital only one day after a c-section, kicked out the bum and went back to work the next day, with all of my kids with me. I was worried about money, I had hungry children to feed. It's amazing though, how much money you have when drugs and alcohol doesn't come out of it. It gave me a strength I had no idea I had. With my current hubby, everything kept getting worse, I told him I was filing for divorce, I've never seen anyone change so quickly. It may be temporary,but for now I have the man back I fell in love with. Do something drastic to wake him up, don't let him treat you this way. If he leaves you'll still be better off. Sorry I don't have better advice, but if he really doesn't care, you can't make him.
    LoriW

    Answer by LoriW at 11:51 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

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