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For parents of 17 yr old sons..

Our son is a junior,We just bought him a fixer upper (so to speak )car and spent quite a bit on getting it legal and ready to drive for him b/c he has always loved and wanted to fix up a car.His friends all have had a car since 16 and very nice ones at that.We even pay his insurance.My ? is Are we the only parents left that expect their kid to get a part time job to help with gas,spending money?He moneys us to death and acts like we are really mean.He goes to a small country school with alott of wealthy kids too that get everything, We even expect our kids to buy their own cell phones but according to them and other kids we are old fashion or just plain out mean to him.We are teaching them to be dependent on theirselves not co-dependent.Where should we draw the line? He lives in a nice, clean home and gets taken care of great, bedroom, food clothes etc... He really has hurt my feelings lately:(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • no i dont think you are being mean, kids that get everything handed to them have another thing coming when they get into the "real" world where mommy and daddies money isnt "theirs" anymore. i think its great you are teaching your kids to be responsible and grown up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I dont have a 17 year old YET. lol. They will be there sooner than I want them too. lol

    But my dh and I have discussed this VERY thing and YES my kids will be expected to help out a lot regardless of our income. We want to raise our kids to know how to take care of themselves and how to work hard for what they want.

    Its hard for teens to see friends handed everything easy as pie. But its better for them in the long run. While you son is our earning his living, the others will be standing with their hands open waiting for someone else to help. It creates a dependent human.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 7:03 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • no, my boys are only 4 and 22 months, but i will not give then "handouts". they will have to have good grades and a job and be respectful.
    jbirchard

    Answer by jbirchard at 7:16 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I don't have a 17 year old yet, but I can tell you that no amount of wealth makes up for teaching your child to do things for themselves. Cell phones, new cars and infinate allowance are NOT a right. Things like that are earned, whether it's thru your parents or working at a job. When my son turns a certain age, he will be expected to get a job and be responsible for his own spending money. He needs to learn to manage money BEFORE he heads off to college and to get people skills...serving others at a grocery store or something like that. You are doing the right thing, stick to your guns. One day your son will thank you. 

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 7:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Mine are not there yet, but I don't think you are mean. My parents made me work for things, and I have a much better appreciation for what I have, and I work for it, something that many people I know are not willing to do. I will raise my sons the same way. Want a car? Get a job? Want a cell phone? Get a job. The furthest I might go would be to split the cost of the car with them, to help them get started, but even then, it would be limited, say for example, that I won't put in more than X number of dollars. Like, I'll give them 500, and if the car is 1500, they better come up with another grand. I think you are doing just fine, and your sons will appreciate it when they are older.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:23 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I think you are already doing too much. Our children did not have their own cars until they were out of high school and had part-time jobs. We helped them because they all went to college, but they all worked and helped. They all lived at home during their undergraduate years. They lived here for free. Our oldest decided at one point he wanted to move out, and we did not help him at all. He pretty quickly decided he wanted to move back home, which we allowed, and things went back as to the way they were before he moved out. The more you can make them do for themselves the better off they will be. I know the pressure of having everyone's parents footing all their bills, but you need to stand firm and let him yelp.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:24 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I wouldn't have helped buy a car, and I wouldn't pay for his car insurance, but that's me. It is a kid thing, they think the grass is greener on the other side, and always think that everyone has more then them. Be mean, responsibility is the best gift you could give him, one day he will see it, just not for quite a while.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:33 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I know what you mean. I have an 18 ds who has a 1998 jeep and he had to pay for most of it. It is falling apart. The 18 year old kid right next door got a 2008 Pontiac G6 (brand new) for high school graduation and he doesn't work. Its a very difficult situation, I just keep telling my son he will be a better adult in the long run! Its makes it difficult for us parents who try to raise our kids to have a work ethic, especially when its so hard for them to find a stinkin' job.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Stick to your guns with him...I have a 16yr old & i too bought him a used car that was a stick shift & he damn near had a fit! I told him too bad if you don't want the car I'll sell it & get my $ back or else you can stop being ungrateful & appreciate the car. So he had to learn how to drive the stick shift...that was fun!!!! Anyhow you are teaching your son how to be a responsible person & work for what he wants. Continue on with your good parenting skills. Good luck!
    Me2dznb

    Answer by Me2dznb at 11:16 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I have a stack of kids. One is 17 now, 4 are grown and 2 younger ones. As teens, ALL kids tell you that their friends have it better, or more, or their parents give them whatever they want and let them stay out all night and date anyone they please. I have been very calm when I told them yes, but you're stuck with me. When they were young they wanted $150 shoes, no problem, I only pay $30 for shoes, but if you want a more expensive pair you are welcome to pay the difference. If you want a drivers license you will get a job and pay for insurance or on your 16th birthday you get a shiny new bike. As parents our job is to teach these people to be decent adults, not to give them everything they want. Decide what you will and won't do and stick with it. As far as the hurt feelings go, I'm sorry. But truely they are that way at 17. It's manipulative, and mean, but they will outgrow it, I promise!
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 2:10 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

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