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daddy is going to iraq

My husben and I are scared that our son will forget about him while he is gon in Iraq. I know I'll show him pictures and recordings of daddy. But what if thats not enough. And I'm also scared that what if my son sees me crying about my husbend being gon. would he get confused about why i'm crying over daddy? what if he thinks daddy hurt me? or if daddy abandond us? Eventhough he didnt. What should I do to make this deployment easyer on our son? I'm really scared about this. I never really thought about it untill my hubby had to leave for a 3 wk training course. oh btw my son is 9 months old 10 months on the 22nd. a year old in may. hubby should leave in October and be back October of 2010 so my son will be over 2 years old when daddy returns. What if he's scared of daddy when he gets back? ugh i got a million questions.

please pray for us! (or whatever it is that you do i.e. light candles, send vibes etc)

 
mommy20081

Asked by mommy20081 at 9:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (9)
  • you mentioned recording....like video? Have him make a few, some even holding your son and playing with him. Let your son watch them everyday. Or at least a couple of times a week. Even if he's not seated with full attention on them (since he's still so young), just having his father's voice in the background would probably be good. I'm sorry I can't be of more help. Thank you and your husband for his service.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 10:03 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I'm a military wife and a SM to his 3yo son. DH first left for an over seas tour when DSS was 18 months old. i showed him lots of pictures. We were lucky enough to visit DH for Christmas. So when we got home i made a "Daddy Book" and every night for almost 2 months we read that book. He loved it. And there is web cam and letters and instant messages. Your children wont forget daddy. I promise. As long as you keep him as part of your every day lives. And it's okay to cry infront of you kids SOMETIMES. Just tell them that you are sad, that you miss daddy. And that you are waiting for daddy to come home soon. It will take them a little while, but soon they will have the same kinds of feelings and they will be there for you. To help you. You can message me if you want. My DH is in Iraq now. he's been there for almost 4 months. and was in Germany for 3 months before that. it'll be okay
    Stay Strong!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:03 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Another suggestion for recordings is have video tape your husband reading some of your son's books. That way you and your son can sit together with the book as daddy reads it to you.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 10:08 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • My brother's son was that age when he left. Is your dh going to be at a base with a computer? They let my bro set up a web cam and they got to see eachother once or twice a week. Have him record alot of stuff on video, like him holding your son and reading him bed time stories, telling him how to do stuff, or just hanging around the house. Take alot of pics of him in his camo's and civilian clothes , and have them laminated for your son to have them but not be able to tear them up.. Play the videos all the time for him, instead of cartoons, watch daddy. It is okay if he sees you cry, just tell him you miss dasddy, and try to save the bad breakdowns for when you are by your self with someone who understands beter., but it is not bad if he knows you love and miss his dad. If he is able to call regularly see if you can record the conversations to play back. Talk abou thim often, and with love.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:08 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I'm sorry your family has to deal with that. I'm not a military wife but my husband does work out of town for weeks at a time. He's been doing it since our son was about 1 1/2. He will be 3 in July. We talk about Daddy everyday and the things we will do together when he gets home. Even though he takes alot of his things with him like toothbrush, and small things like that. I still keep those things around when he's gone so that it doesn't feel like he's not living here. Small things like his shoes by the door, our son likes putting them on. The web cam is a great idea, a bit confusing at first, but he loves it. He will understand what he needs to for now. Our son knows Daddy works hard to take care of us because he loves us and b/c he's a wonderful Daddy, and to buy him toys. lol. Just keep him a part of your everyday life and conversation and your son won't think he left you or him.
    Mommy0425

    Answer by Mommy0425 at 12:08 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Also Military One Source has some great free material you can order to help.
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 12:37 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • military also.......we made recordings of my husband reading books that we played every night before going to bed. I also made a pictures of my kids with dad and hung it low enough in their rooms for my kids to see them. ANd when he called I made it so they talked to dad first before me. Yes and get a web cam. Even if you use it just once it's worth it. And no matter what if you need a good cry about him being gone do it alone in your room when the babies are in bed.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 2:07 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • The PP's all had some great ideas! He will be able to call on occasion, so hold the phone up to your son's ear (he will remember dad's voice!), show him pictures and/or videos, and talk about him a lot. Even before you think your son will understand you. Talk about how daddy is at work and his work is far away. Add in your own personal feelings to let your son know its ok to miss daddy and be sad sometimes, but also remind him that daddy will come home. I got on that Military One Source site a PP mentioned and ordered an Elmo and Friends DVD that talks about deployment (Elmo's daddy is in the military). It was free and I've put it on about once a month (even though my hubby does go for 3 more weeks) just so my 2 and 1 yr olds can see it and hopefully start remembering the point of the DVD. Also, maybe you could start a tradition for deployments to keep his memory strong during those times. Good luck and stay strong!
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:14 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I think, because of your son's age, it will be very helpful to be able to have him keep in touch, just so they won't be strangers. I think he's too young to have such complex feelings as abandonment, especially if he sees him on videos and webcams.
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 11:16 AM on Mar. 27, 2009