My step son wants to call me Mommy

My SS just turned 5 today. I have always been referred to as Amanda w/ my SKs & everyone. I now have an 8.5 month old baby, however. I have been daycare to my 8yr. SD & my SS since about 2 months before I had my LO. Now, the kids hear me called mommy a lot. we still use Amanda when talking w/ them. They say things like "do you want your mommy" & such when talking to their sister.

A week ago my SS called me Mommy on purpose on the way to school. I didn't say anything then because I wanted to talk with SO & BM. BM thought it would be okay for him to call me Mommy Amanda, but she wanted to talk to him herself so that he felt comfortable. Today when I told SS his Mommy was taking him to lunch, he asked me which one. his real mommy or me? & when we were leaving lunch he gave me a hug & kiss. As BM was buckling SS, he told his BM, "I gave Mommy hugs & kisses."

BM doesn't think we should correct SS. What should we do?

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Asked by aly38914290 at 11:58 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

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I think thats so sweet! And I would just follow your SS's lead... Go with what they feel comfortable with.... You are obviously doing a great job already!

Answer by 4x4mum at 12:01 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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Do you think that we need to talk with SS's older sister, my SD about this? She is 8. I don't think that she will ever feel as close to me as SS. Or at least close enough that she would want to call me Mommy.

Answer by aly38914290 at 12:11 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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No I think that it should just be left up to the kids... If she's not comfortable with it just let her know that it's ok not to feel the same as her brother... Then that takes the pressure off...

Answer by 4x4mum at 12:19 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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I'm a stepmom. Just letting you know where I'm coming from when I say this.

I think the names "mom" and "dad" are taken. I have stepbabies who are 6 and 4 and I've been with them since they were 2 and 4 months. They've both toyed with calling me mommy and instead we decided (my husband and I) on a different lovey-name they could call me and we introduced it when we got married (to explain the shift). As in, "after the wedding, do you guys want to call me Eema (which means mommy in Hebrew)?"

They liked it. It stuck and nobody's feelings are potentially confused or inadvertently stomped on.

Answer by Avarah at 12:54 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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My step mom was like a 2nd mom to me. I never called her mom (I was 15 when they got married) but for a 5 year old to start calling you mom- I think that's totally acceptable. There's nothing wrong with having two moms- especially when both 'moms' are comfortable with it! WAY TO GO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer by Erica_Smerica at 1:47 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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If bm and you are comfortable with it go for it. He obviously loves you like a Mommy. :)

Answer by kristinlimon at 3:19 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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BM and DH have both told SS to call me whatever he is comfortable with as long as it is respectful. He chooses to call my Mom or Mommy most of the time. I am fine with that. He called me MiMaw for a while, that way both me and BM had our own special names, but then he decided Mommy was just better. I am called by my first name when BM is around so that we don't get confused, but other than that, he has two mommies.

Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:38 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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does your DH refer to you as Mommy around your SS? Or what does he call you?

Answer by aly38914290 at 8:58 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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I think if he wants to call you mommy that should be fine as long as you are fine with it. His mom dosen't seem to have a problem with it from what you said. Maybe you could find a way to differentiate mommy's to him. My friends DD calls her step dad Papa Bear.

Answer by AmandaH321 at 9:50 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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You must be a wonderful stepmom if he feels close enough to call you mom. I wanted to call my stepdad Dad when I was about the same age. My mom and he decided not to let me because they thought it would be hurtful to my father. I loved my stepdad and I wanted to feel like we were a normal family when we were together. I hated it when other kids would ask "Why do you call your dad Jeff?" or "Is that your uncle?"

Answer by MommyAddie at 9:57 AM on Mar. 17, 2009
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