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Would you recommend adoption for a couple...

...who can not have babies of their own because she is 50 and he is 30. They both work and have a beautiful house. He does not want to adopt. Are there any other options for the wife who wants badly to adopt?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Mar. 17, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Adoption is a huge commitment and you do both need to be on the same page or everyone will suffer. I would encourage you to look into fostering, though. You could have a child or children in your life without the lifetime commitment, and you would be changing the life of a child. There is a lot of flexibility. You can specify only one or two children at a time, only children under a certain age or within a certain age rage. You can do respite care or emergency placements, etc. Another thing to consider is mentoring a child in foster care or becoming a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). Through these options you may even end up with a lifelong relationship of some type with a child who really needs a caring adult in their life. Good luck

    Answer by ForeverMom05 at 2:33 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • No I would not recommend it regardless of her age..
    It is very simply if he does not want to adopt a baby..
    you should not do adoption period!!!!
    You both have to want it...not just one person!!

    Answer by Dannee at 2:28 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • No, I would not. It would be none of my business regardless if it was a good friend or a family member. I am neither for or against adoption. I actually have a personal policy to not discuss adoption with friends unless they have already decided that this is what they want to do and they have initiated the conversation with me. It is a personal choice and everyone arrives at that decision in their own way and in their own time. If one person does not want to adopt, and that person is in a partnership, then their opinions matter. More so. I personally do not believe a child should be placed in a home where at least one parent has reservations about adoption and just doing it to please or make happy the other partner.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • "I personally do not believe a child should be placed in a home where at least one parent has reservations about adoption and just doing it to please or make happy the other partner."

    Anon 11:39 I completely agree with you!!! The reservation I would have has nothing to do with the desires of the woman but the reservations of the other parent-figure who would be in this child's life. You do not know how a particular adoptee will chose to view their experience - having a potential to "pick up" on the reservations of one parent could be a devastating blow.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:54 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • It takes two. If he's not willing, then it's absolutely not.

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 3:09 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • If one party is not into it, then I would not suggest it, no matter what the other circumstances are.

    Answer by IZs_mommy at 3:28 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • One spouse should never "give in" to adoption. It should only be pursued when both spouses really want it.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 4:05 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • wow she's old enough to be his mom! maybe he is afraid she will die before he will & he will be stuck with a young child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I know a woman whose husband wanted to adopt and convinced to agree to it. She never really wanted to adopt her son and when her husband passed away their son was six or seven years old. She couldn't handle him and he ended up addicted to drugs. He has since moved far away from her and straightened his life out somewhat but from what I've heard it was a very bad situation for both of them.

    Answer by miriamz at 5:07 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Men have cold feet about kids, marriage, all those kids of things lots of times. I disagree with the consensus. Keep after him, and pray he will see the light. My husband was slow to be ready for kids. I just kept praying and expressing my heart to him, and God changed his. Now we are a happy family with three kids, and he admits he would have missed out on the meaning of life if I had not kept after him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Mar. 17, 2009