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I lied horribly to husband & then admitted it, will i ever get his trust back?

I love my husband & kids more than life itself only i kept secrets from him for 8 years & we've been married 11. I recently admitted to him 2 men i slept with 8 yrs. ago. Our marriage was beautiful, happy & he says a lie & that hurts me so bad, i never realized what a HUGE HORRIFIC mistake i was making & made until now that we're seperated & away from eachother. Seeing my kids without a completed family tears me apart & not being able to touch or see my husband is the worst pain i've ever felt ever. I talk to him daily & he still has questions & feels hate for what i did, i dont blame him but how & when will this end? what can i do to help him get thru this? to make him believe i am trustworthy now and that i also feel emotional distress & not just him. It's been 2 weeks now, i dont think i can handle another day!...PLEASE SOMEONE I NEED ADVICE! :-(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Mar. 17, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I commend you for coming clean. But you do have to realize this is your bad.. you cant put a time limit on his forgiveness. And in his defense it was 2 men..not just one. My suggestion is similar to the other ladies.. see if he is willing to go to counseling, tell him you don't want your marriage to end. Let him know you are willing to work at getting his trust back. Its easy to say "it was so long ago" he should be over it.. but he JUST found out about it..you have had the last 8 years to come to terms with it. Give him time. This is hard. Put yourself in his place.. wouldn't you need some time and answers? Just keep your head up. Your kids need you. Focus on them and remain committed to showing him you are sorry for the pain you caused. There is no quick easy fix for this one. You guys can get through this but its going to take patience. I wish you the best and hope all works out. I will be praying for you both.

    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 8:11 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I would suggest counseling. There are feeling he has to work through. And you can't rush him to get over it. Maybe ask him out on a date. start back slowly and give him time, I know it was 8 years ago, but he just found out and you owe it to him to let him work this out on his own. You have had time to work on your feeling about it, he hasn't. Definitely ask about counseling. And dont push him.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 4:00 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • You need to build his trust. Ask him to forgive you and move on for the kids. Make him a romantic home-cooked meal and surprise him. Men have memories like elephants, make sure you avoid being alone with other men if this is your weakness. Tell him you made a giant mistake! Prayers
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • there isn't anything you can do. I don't mean to be rude or anything but what you did was wrong. your husband is the one that needs to start trusting again, and you can't make him trust again.
    avpriddis

    Answer by avpriddis at 4:02 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • maybe you guys can go to marriage counseling. he is going to need time and trust isnt something that can be regained over night. keep communication open with him. give him as much time as he needs to process these things you have told him and then go from there.
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 4:02 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Trust is something that takes a long time to build but only a inute to lose. If you are both committed to working things out, it can and will happen, but he will need time to get over this. he probably does have a lot of questions... he needs time hun,hang in there.
    onyourterms

    Answer by onyourterms at 4:03 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I would like to know why you even told him about it in the first place??Didn't you realize he was going to be mad about it. You are the cheater..You will just have to wait tell he is ready to forgive you. He might not ever want to be with you again...So I say,,get on with your life. Stop waiting for him.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:07 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I know someone this happened too and he did forgive her and moved on and they are a very big happy family now! Nothing is impossible with God.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Time sweety. It will take some time. See when you lie to someone that trust has been torn. I takes time and patience to earn it back. He loves you but he doesn't want to get hurt again. Im sure you love him with all your heart. Remember you are human and we make mistakes, but of course you learn from them. Give him some time in the mean time do one of the things that you do best and that is be a good mother to your kids and show love to him and mean it. If it doesn't work out than it wasn't meant to be. But when you cheat on a man honey for a while they are going to look at you from the corner of their eyes WATCHING. Thats your husband {for better of for worst}.....
    diamondmamma

    Answer by diamondmamma at 4:17 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • You need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, quit feeling sorry for yourself and help him heal. Tell him you are willing to do anything to make things right. In the meantime keep living, show him you're not that person and that you want a strong stable life and if it means without him then move on. Learn to care for yourself, your kids, focus on that. He will have to come around on his own you can't force it... GL, and it does say something that you came clean, don't let others hurt you with words, because that's all they are....
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 4:19 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

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