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Today I was at work and my son who is 17 brought his GF who is 14 (please dont bash about the age difference) for a ride home, I told them to go wait in the car. When I came to the car (about 20 mins later) I saw then making out in the backseat. What would you mommys do if you encountered this? would you bring it up? would you punish? Im clueless.


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Asked by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Mar. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (25)
  • I would see it as an opportunity to talk about responsibility in relationships. I am not bashing (i did it myself at 14, dating guys that old) but he does have another issue to be careful about, in most states she is under the age of consent and he needs to be careful how far he takes things untill she is 16, and especially out in public. We had a thing in the news the other day that a guy was having to register as a sex offender because a dad pressed charges on him at 18 for being with a 15 year old, same age difference as your son. And I know he knows all about sex, but the responsibility of it should be brought up again. Good luck, I will ptrobably cry the first time I catch my kids, but I know it is bound to happen eventually.

    Answer by AK_aries at 8:24 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Yes! child support in the state of NJ lasts till they finish college. No touching!!No kissing keep them watched!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Don't tiptoe around if he's old enough enough for sex then he's old enough to hear the rules - he's overage she's underage. Ask him in front of her if they want him to be charged with rape. That's all. very easy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • When I was 16 I was dating a guy who was 4 years older than me. My mom didn't have a problem with it, but she made sure that I knew how to be a responsible "adult" since that is how I was acting. We had a very open relationship, and I think that helped a lot. Sit down with them and just make sure they understand everything. Also, it wouldn't hurt to get her mom involved to make sure how she stands on their relationship. I would not freak out if I caught my son, but here comes the double standard, I am pretty sure I would freak out if I saw my daughter! I know that sounds weird, but I just know that is how i would react. :)

    Answer by haileysmom2833 at 9:16 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • I was the same age 14 and my husband now was 17yrs- that is not really a big difference!
    But I would sit down with them and discuss the situation.

    Answer by Goldenbrowny at 10:17 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • teens that make out? I'm not seeing what you need to punish them for. Most teens make out. I'd give him the talk and make sure he knows what is acceptable and not acceptable. He has to draw limits and if he can't then he needs to wear a condom. I never had a problem telling my son to wear a condom. My mother almost passed out hearing me say it but I'd rather say it than to have had more children running around. Remind him that once he turns 18 he's a man and she's a minor so no sex unless he's willing to go to jail for it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:34 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I would bring him to visit some guy who had either been in jail for statutory rape to talk to.

    Some states have a 2 year law where he could be convicted NOW because she is not 15.

    Answer by Praying at 2:12 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Hum, I'm (not the real) mom of the 14 year old... I do wonder what her parents think, and I'd certainly try to get them both to understand that 17 year olds may be in a different place and expect different things from the relationship than a 14 year old!

    On a funnier note to deal with a heavy public display of affection, I often tell my kids that while some affection is fine, 'sucking face' is not appropriate anywhere - and if they do, I will do it... like with dad, out in front of the school! That kind of analogy can teach them to act as they want others (i.e. parents!) to act.

    As for a relationship between a 17 and 14 year old.. I'd encourage him to be sure that her parents are aware, and that if he really likes the girl, he should respect the limits set by her and her family. And its a good occassion to talk about relationships in general, etc. and warn him about sex and above all sex with a 'minor', etc.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 4:33 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I am also the mom of the 14 yr old girl ( not for real of course, but sybolically). Theres no way in hell my 14 yr old would be getting a ride home with her boyfriend. Maybe when shes 16, but at 14, I am the one that drops her off and picks her up and theres no dating at 14 either. I don't think we have to lock them up, but age appropriate rules DO minimize inappropriate behavior. NOt all of it, of course, but they give an expectation of how they should act at the age they are instead of what they want to be. As far as what you should do....I would talk about self respect and that PDA's aren't appropriate. Let him know that it embarassed you and made you uncomfortable. You can't control everything he does, but you can talk to him about responsibility. The rule of thumb is this..Whatever you see them doing in public, then they are doing twice that much in private. TIme for a big chat! The mother of the 14 yr old needs to talk.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:59 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I have a 15 yo and she is not allowed alone with her boyfriend much less in a car with him. She's 15 he's 16.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

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