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What do I do when at first I only had be the stepmother, but dad was here and now he's deploying, she's staying and I am LOST.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Mar. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • This will be a new adventure for both of you. You just do what you have been doing.. but you have to make the decisions of a "mom" now. You remember how you were at her age and what you did and felt like... remember that.. It's VERY GOOD advice! Anyway, you expect respect, remember you don't have to be her friend.. you just have to watch over her and protect her.. Have fun and enjoy... It only lasts a little while.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • As a Step Mom who has her step son living with her fulltime, all I can say is *Breathe*. I don't know much about your situation because there aren't a ton of details, but I would check out the Step parenting groups. In them you will encounter completely disengaged SM's and very active ones. Regardless of where you lie in that continuum, If there isn't anything you can do to change it, you can only try to make the best of it. If you're concerned about being the amount of time you'll have together, just try to let things fall into place. Respect your SD's feelings and boundaries, recognize the huge transition this is for her as well. If the two of you don't get along just try to weather the storm. I would definitely check out the Step parenting groups to here from other SM's. BUT, I caution you take everything you read in ALL of them with a large grain of salt. You will see all extremes, so in the end you have follow your heart.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • look to join a local local church or parenting clubs that have gatherings to socializee. It is fun to make friends with other families. You can have common friends and experiences,

    Answer by mom2boys1997 at 2:45 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Do you consider yourself her mother, not just a "step parent?" Do you love her as if she were your own flesh and blood?? If so, then just act like a mother, forget this "stepmother" BS. You need to step up and let her know that just because daddy's gone doesnt mean that she gets free rome. You need to be a parent, a mother.

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 5:28 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • well no offense but you married a man with kids. And he's in the military. You had to know this was a possibility right? I agree with HelloKitty86 drop the step and take charge. Be her parent now. A step child is no different from any other child.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 9:28 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I think this is a great opportunity for you and your SD to really bond and create a lasting relationship. You already have something in common.. you both love her father dearly. Just remember you are the grown up.. as strange and uncomfortable as this situation may be for you, it is 100 times worse for her.. depending on her age she may feel like she was "just part of the package" here is your chance to show her you love her and are happy to have her in your life as well. Her dad is in a dangerous situation and she will definitely need to know if (GOD FORBID) something happens to him.. she has you to be there for her. Don't fret.. you will do fine. treat her with the same love and support as you would your biological children. She is your child now too.. and really needs you now. I am so very thankful to your husband for his part in my freedom. Hope this helps! God bless!


    Answer by Tzutchka at 11:15 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I would check out the base spousal support groups..they usually have a info pack they give familys before they deploy...just do what you have to....oh and they usually have moral calls, I know my hubby did when he was over in the sandbox and lots of emails too.....
    the military takes care of their own.

    Answer by michaux at 7:38 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

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