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when your husband picks his mom over you

i tell my husband that i dont like what his mom is doing with the baby. she takes him outside with out being fully clothed on cold days, she just leaves with the baby with out asking, she feeds him things he shouldnt have, she pushes food on the baby. when i tell him about this he just gets mad at me, saying that im over reacting or making things worse then they are because i dont like her... but im not ... she really does this and i dont feel comfortable with her watching the baby.. what do i do

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edwinsmom2008

Asked by edwinsmom2008 at 4:12 AM on Mar. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • you need to message me cause my mother in law is horrid too....same stories as you got and Im the B!tch not here! riiiiight huh I feel yeah mommy.
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 4:13 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Your MIL needs a reminder that God gave you that baby to take care of the way YOU see fit! If anyone does something to your child that you do not totally agree with it is your God given right as that childs mother to stop it. You need to have a long chat with your hubby and explain your concerns to him and explain he WILL get on board! You don’t mess with a mama lions cubs!!
    deneejude

    Answer by deneejude at 5:33 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • If he can;t see it then go to her she had him!!!!!!!! and of course thank her for everything! Check into daycare and a job! You get more bees with honey!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • My MIL is the same way. My husband either doesn't see it or doesn't say anything. I can't say anything to him or I'm just being too comtrolling. So I started to say stuff to her. Nothing mean. Just, "No iced tea for Erin." Make sure you are nice and that your husband hears you. That way when she does it anyway, you know your husband heard you. It doesn't work with everything though.
    VBeachMommy

    Answer by VBeachMommy at 7:50 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • It sounds like you live with her... that's the first thing I'd change. On those days when it's cool and she takes the little one out... hand her or the child a blanket and say "just incase it's too cool out there" on things like food, when a child is full they'll stop eating. and things you don't want him to eat, just be direct, with her, not your man.
    Someone taking off with my child (even my hubby) without telling me would irritate me. My hubby did that one time years ago. I ripped the house apart thinking she was hiding, and then hurt because she didn't answer, then I went running all around the yard and finally called him in a panic... not a nice feeling at all. My specific advice is to be direct with her, not her son, so that you know she's fully aware of what you want, need and expect for your son and his care.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:57 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • This is a difficult situation. I think it is all about the approach you take with your MIL. Dont put your hubby in the middle. (this only forces him to "chose sides") take your MIL to lunch one day (without the baby) and take that time to address some issue. She is a part of your family now and its best to find a way to get along with her. I am not saying to allow her to put your baby in harms way..but pick your battles.. address the issues that are really bothering you and let the little ones go. She may not be receptive at first, but just explain you are not saying she is a bad grandma or doesnt know what she is doing.. but that there are just a few things you need her cooperation on. Dont be aggressive or threaten to not let her watch the baby.. just let her know you appreciate her respecting your parenting style. It isnt going to change overnight, but if you continue to be kind but firm, she may come around. Hope it helps!
    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 9:25 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I think a grown man should be able to choose between his mother and his wife. I mean this is YOUR child, you have a say, he has a say, she does not. If he can't stick up to her on this I think you are in for a world of problems. Personally, NO ONE is going to do a thing with MY child that I'm not comfortable with. Put your foot down, you're not in this to win a popularity contest, you're trying to do the best for your child; if your husband can't see that and doesn't 100% support it, that should be a real eye opener for you. I'm sorry you're going through this and I recognoze not everyone is as comfortable with confrontation as am but, this is how I'd look at. Sometimes when you're too nice, you just get walked all over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • If it is far and in between that your MIL sees her grandchild then I would just let it go and as long as your child is not in harms way. But if she is around all the time on a regular basis, then just let her know how your feel and what you expect of her when she is watching your child. But be kind to her about it but firm too. If she has a problem with following your instructions, then don't leave your child with her know more. Husband has a fit about it, then tell him he can leave and go live with his MOM if he is not going to support you in your parenting decisions. You will get the point across quickly. Good luck Mama.
    FoxyLady42

    Answer by FoxyLady42 at 11:43 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • i think maybe you should have a talk with your mil. maybe she does these things because she knows they bother you, and knowing that she can because you will not step up and call her out on these things. good luck
    momof3102

    Answer by momof3102 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

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