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making a huge sacrifice for my teenager...how do I do this?

My dd is 14 and we haved lived in this city for 2.5 yrs. She was not really happy about moving here but quickly came to love her school and her friends. I promised her that I would not move her again. (she left a christian school for public school). I could tell that she really needed reassurance about not moving schools again. Well, now that finances are tight, we are trying to downsize a bit. Our rental payment is very high and we live in a large home. We never intended to buy the house but we have an opportunity to buy something permanently and its in the next county. Shes so unhappy with me. I understand why and I don't blame her but I simply can't control it. Her school is one of the best in the state and shes already got her 1st year done. I petitioned the school to allow her to stay even though we were out of district. I will be driving her every morning. Its about 30 miles. Shes advanced placement and honors. Cont....

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momofsaee

Asked by momofsaee at 10:16 AM on Mar. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (34)
  • I say this is about her education, but part of me feels like I am doing it to keep my promise to her. I pray that I don't tire out or get frustrated with the drive. Once shes 16, shes driving herself. She needs this school on her transcripts for college and I guess I just need someone to tell me they would have done the same thing. I think its hard when you just tell kids...hey, we are moving and changing schools, get over it. Its easy for us, but its not okay for them. I don't want to do that to her. Shes a good kid and the school system where we are moving to is nothing in comparison. I am just nervous about it.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:18 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • It is wonderful of you, and it sounds like a good idea because of all of the plus-es about the school. Since you promised, you have no choice. (((hugs))) to you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:21 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I have had to move because of financial reasons and told my kids similiar but things happen in life. I think for us it was an excellent life lesson for my kids to understand sometimes even though we want to be somewhere, we cant. Things happen in life to change things and we have to adapt. I personally wouldnt drive her. Id change her schools and use the opportunity for her to learn how to adapt to change and life lessons.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:21 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I would do the same thing for my child. When my parents divorced, I didn't want to change schools. I grew up in a very wealthy area and had been in that school system since the beginning. My mother worked VERY hard to be sure we didn't have to move. I would do whatever you can to make sure she stays in the same school. Changing schools is really, really tough on kids - socially and on their education. I think you are doing the right thing by keeping your promise to her.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 10:22 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • You promised her something and you are keeping it...I feel that what you are doing comes straight from the love we have for our children. If I was in your shoes, I would do the same thing.
    You sound like a strong woman and I am sure that your daughter will grow up to be the same.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:22 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I don't feel the same way as you,,sorry..I would have never promised her that...Because as adults we know things change. Even if we do not want them to. She is a teen..She needs to understand that... You should be teaching her that. JMO.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:25 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • As long as I could afford the drive.I think from what you are saying she is a great kid,and has a wonderful future ahead of her,that's what we as mothers want for our children,an as mothers we have to sacrifice alot for ours kids.I would walk her there if I had to.and you did promise. good luck and keep up the great work guiding her in the right direction.
    Val504

    Answer by Val504 at 10:26 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Yall made me cry!....Thanks so much. There have been MANY times that we made changes that our kids didn't like and we reassured them that as long as we were together it would be okay and forced them to adapt. They kicked and screamed and made us feel guilty, but they did it anyway. This is one situation where I just feel like I can't go back on what I promised her. Technically, I shouldnt have done that but she needed some reassurance. She didn't want to attach herself to anything that she knew would be taken from her. Shes so much like me. My other 3 kids are having to be homeschooled but because my older daughter is so far along in her education, we are doing this for her. This is a chance for her to become a lot more independant. The school wants her because shes an asset to them. They are a very uppity affluent school that only wants the best. I feel this is a chance for my daughter to be everything that I wasnt. Thanks!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:29 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Whether you promised her anything or not, I think it is a great idea to stay in the better school system. If she was an average student the school probably wouldn't be as important but for someone that is AP and honors she needs to be challenged. My son is very smart I really want to move just to provide a better education for him. This school district blows and I'm afraid he will soon get bored and lose interest.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I don't feel the same way as you,,sorry..I would have never promised her that...Because as adults we know things change. Even if we do not want them to. She is a teen..She needs to understand that... You should be teaching her that. JMO.


    Technically, I think youre right. I shouldnt have said that. She was this fearful child who needed something to reassure her that she could settle down and make friends. I never promised her we wouldn't move, but I did promise her that she could stay in her school. As an adult I know things change, but at the time, I was struggling with my own issues of moving and attaching myself to my community. I realize now that I have to be flexible and it doesnt matter where I live. Stuff doesnt matter. My kids matter and my family matter and thats it. But because I feel that I said this, even if it was done in my own need for reassurance, I have to keep my promise.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:33 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

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