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What can I do my husband is saying that if I leave him he will do anything to take our twin boys from me because I'm not a citizen and also we have a house together but he will have a house to offer to them as he said to me and I wo'nt because the house is his not mine and he also has a bussines and he tells me he will use all the money he has to keep them with him. Can somebody give me some advise?

I just want to be with my kids and I feel that if we are not happy together anymore we should go our separate ways but I feel that if I leave he will take the kids from me and I don't want that to happen I told him once before that if we were to separate that I want to have the kids with me and that I will never stop him from seen them and we agreed. But know that things are getting worse he's saying that I'm not taking them. I'm confused and don't know how things really work with all the legal stuff and I will love to hear some advise Thank you!

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Asked by Mar1009 at 1:04 PM on Mar. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Consult social services or a lawyer. I thought, but may well be wrong, that when a person married that they became, or could become, a citizen of the husband's country. You are probably entitled to half of whatever was purchased during your marriage. This is all guesswork though, and for legal matters you need to talk with someone who actually knows.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • He has every right to be so defensive. Mothers who get custody of the kids can move away at a whim without consulting the dad. If he has a business in your town, it will be very difficult for him to follow. Besides, what's keeping you from going back to the country you're a citizen of and taking them?

    I suggest family counselling. Your boys need their daddy.

    Answer by timelessglass at 1:12 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Get a lawyer and make sure you can tie any lose ends he could use against you like you citizenship, I know you can't get that taken care of fast my soon to be husband is from Gautemala and has no papers here, but I would talk to a lawyer.

    Answer by NicholeAT at 1:16 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I'm in a crappy so-called marriage and I stick it out because my greatest fear is my son being raised soley by his dad. My hubby see's his son as a trophy and see's me as the nanny..I bite my tounge every night when he comes home, just to fight through another day .
    I see it like this, a marriage is sometimes a mistake and you have to do your time, 18 year.., just like when a prisoner makes a mistake and has to do their time whether they like it or not. I am a prisoner for 14 more yrs.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:47 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I would go to counseling first, WHILE trying to obtain my citizenship AND figuring out how you can maintain parental rights despite all of the hardships you will experience when/if you leave him. When you are not a citizen you have a much harder time with legal issues. There are groups who help people in your can research them on the internet or contact your local Family Support office (Social services) for a referral. (You will especially receive help if he is abusive)

    I don't blame him for not wanting to be without his kids either. I wouldn't want to be without my son for more than a day...I would absolutely hate having to share custody. I want to see my son every day. Is he threatening it to just be mean/manipulative? Or is it really because he can't be without the kids?

    If you are "just not happy" you owe it to your husband, your children, and yourself to make it work. If he's abusive, its different.

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 1:47 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • It is not accurate that when you marry you become a citizen, you still have to apply. For example, my biomom married my Dad (28 years ago) and divorced (24 years ago), married another American man 15 years ago and divorced again 13 years ago, then married another American man 11 years ago and is still married to him.

    She did not become a citizen until THIS YEAR when she finally applied due to pressures from our family.

    I also agree with timelesglass. I don't blame the guy for being terrified of you taking them to another country.

    Answer by Praying at 2:07 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • PS, she immigrated from Poland at 2 months old.

    Answer by Praying at 2:07 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • i cant believe some of you think that marriage is like prison- what kind of example are u showing to your kids to be in an unhealthy marriage- yes work it out- but God didnt create us to live in torture- Marriage is supose to be a blessing- whats wrong with you guys

    by acting like this you might not ever be happy- my 2nd husband is truelly a blessing and wonderful father to my kids- I'd have missed out on this if i agreed to be in my life sentence still with my 1st husbnad who gambled, lied , cheated, u name it- at least my daughters are raised by an excellent role model and will hopefully grow up to love a successful man and not put up with all this uneccesary b s

    Answer by KITTYLITTLES at 3:44 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

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