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Should I invite my husbands ex-wife to my step-daugthers sweet 16 party

The ex-wife makes my life difficult. I am the one that takes care of her two teenage daughters six days a week. I do all the volunteer works. She just shows up at events and takes credit for her kids accomplishments. I am planning a sweet 16 party for one of my step-daughters, my husband thinks that the mother should be present. She is to lazy to do anything. what advice can you give me.

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Asked by confused813 at 4:53 PM on Mar. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (22)
  • What would SD want?

    Answer by gramsmom at 4:54 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I would invite her. If you already have a difficult relationship I can only imagine how things might be if you "slighted her" on such an important milestone that is a sweet 16.

    Answer by bearandtreemom at 4:57 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • ask your step daughter..
    if she wants her mom (and the mom won't be a huge peoblem starter-like drunk & disorderly)- then yes you should.


    Answer by Kiter at 4:59 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Yup - if SD wants it, SD should have it.

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 5:02 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • invite her... that way even if she doesn't show up it's not put on you. Unless your step-daughter is against it. Because if she doesn't your sd will prob have her feelings hurt and if that happens she will place blame wherever possible "she didn't come bc you didn't invite her" where as if you do invite her the mom is the only one to blame...

    And if she does come just be 'cordially' pleasant Smile say hello and keep yourself 'busy' to minimize the amount of personal contact you have with the woman

    Answer by theheartbaby at 5:04 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else. I would ask your SD. Try to just ask her in passing and do not make her feel guilty to answer yes. I know that may sound mean or dumb but you want her true answer. I know that it's hard sometimes to be civil with the other parent but it's what's best for the kids involved.

    Answer by a_and_j_momma at 5:05 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Hmm I try to avoid all functions if my family tries to include my SM and BM. It's more stressful for me, even if they are cordial and even joke around I know that they have caused each other strife and I don't like it (from the perspective of a SD) The only events I've let them share are my college graduation and wedding. Other than that I keep them separate.

    As a stepmother, my SD's BM is never invited to the birthday parties I through. They are for kids and neither of us have family close by so extended family and her feeling like the excluded adult isn't a problem. My grandma flew in twice but that's about it.

    My SD is VERY uneasy when we are all even in the same room for two minutes, even if we are cordial and nice to each other in person - she knows there are things going on behind the scenes even if she doesn't know the specifics and woudl rather keep her parties with her parents (us) and celebrate with BM separa

    Answer by Praying at 5:49 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • - cont.

    So really you should ask HER what she wants. Or have her Dad ask her.

    Forcing the situation could make her uncomfortable but not asking her may make her feel sad...

    Answer by Praying at 5:49 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Anyways BM currently can't throw SD's parties, I've done the past few years, because some of SD's friends' aren't around BM (because they know what she's done to SD) , I wish I had enough say in SD's life as her parent to do the same :sigh:

    Answer by Praying at 5:51 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Unless sd is against it, invite her mom. While I understand that you do everything for this girl on a daily basis, and bm makes your life difficult, the fact remains that she gave birth to the girl, and she has every right to be present at the celebration, unless her own daughter is against it. This is where you can show that you are the better person, and set a good example for sd, by letting her see that even though you may not like her mother, you are willing to put that aside to ensure sd's happiness.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:07 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

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