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she hates me?

How do you respond to the dreaded "i hate you!" statement from a child?

 
danni33

Asked by danni33 at 10:53 PM on Mar. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • My kids are allowed to express their feelings, and I'll stand there all day and listen-however, they have to keep it respectful. Once they start being disrespectful, the conversation is DONE. From the time they were little, though, I tried to teach them to express their feelings better. So maybe next time your child says this, ask him/her why, and when they are done explaining, tell the child that that's what they should have said. Saying 'I hate you' is unacceptable. I have also told my kids that I'm their parent, not their buddy.
    McGregor

    Answer by McGregor at 11:48 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • We don't tolerate it! We tell them, "I would never say that to you and you are not going to say it to me. You can be angry, but you are not going to disrespect me." Anything beyond that would be grounds for punishment. I think each one of my daughters has tried this one time.
    Mishelly728

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 10:55 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • Respond with. I love you and I know you love me.
    bearandtreemom

    Answer by bearandtreemom at 11:00 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • How old is the child? Toddlers say it out of frustration. My answer would be "That's not a nice thing to say, it hurts my feelings, you wouldn't want anyone to say that to you, and then I big fat kiss and an I Love You." Older children, should not be tolerated. It's rude and disrespectful, but I would still end the conversation with the big fat kiss and I love you. It makes the little ones feel secure and the big ones it annoys the heck out of them, but it also makes them feel secure too.
    contrarymary811

    Answer by contrarymary811 at 11:00 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • My 3 year old does it all the time and i tell her thats ok because I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! And blow her kisses... They dont mean it... But She usually only does it when she is in trouble... Not a big deal... it will be a big deal when she getsolder and does it
    BallardMomma

    Answer by BallardMomma at 11:02 PM on Mar. 18, 2009

  • you tell her its not nice to say i hate you because she doesnt mean it! after she calms down talk to her and tell her you love her she will eventually understand!
    4lyfe56

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 12:16 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Oh, I hear that at least ten times a day...always when I tell my son he cannot have something. I give it no mind at all. I just tell him he's not going to change my mind.

    And then 30 seconds later it blows over.

    I never make a big deal of it because one of the symptoms of my son's Asperger's is inappropriate reponses to situations. I know he doesn't mean it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:20 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • my daughter who is almost 5 has never said I HATE YOU..but she has said I DONT LOVE YOU..and all i say is well, i will always love you! and then i explain to her that it hurts my feelings when she says that and she shouldnt say stuff like that to people because its not very nice
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 4:00 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I asked her (6yrs old) what the word hate meant. Then gave her the true meaning and and said she shouldn't say things if she doesn't know what they mean. Then told her that she hurt my feelings and I didn't want to talk to her but I loved her because hating someone means you don't want to talk to that person. She kept trying to talk to me and I ignored her. Finally after about 5minutes, she said that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings and then she sat there in quiet. (this was all on a 20min ride home) When we got home she said "I dont like it, I don't like hating you." I said well that was her decision and she said well I don't anymore, I love you and she gave me a hug. I think it worked out ok, but she's 6....it won't be so simple when she's a teen, i know! Thanks for all your responses!!
    danni33

    Answer by danni33 at 8:21 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Says "well I'm not here to be your friend" -- but that's for older kids. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

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