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I just dont think I can forget.

Ok so years ago, a couple years after my dh and i had been together he cheated on me. he didnt ahve sex with the girl or anything, they just kissed. But to me, thats cheating. Well we have been together 8 years now, we are married and have a son together. Some nights he hangs out with his friends, gets to drinking and comes home all hours of the night. Only on rare occassions. But I cant forget what happened. And im constantly nagging about what he has done in the past. im afraid im going to drive him to cheat again. I love this man and I know he loves me. And he says he will never do it again. We said our vows and we are adults now. How do I get past the past? Also, I grew up with a cheating father. He was very unfaithful to my mother. He always said he wouldnt do it again, and always did. So its really hard for me believe he will never do this again. The time that it happened we were very young and didnt live together

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • cont.--- I just want to know how to get past this. Its just a combination of my past and what happened. I think its just a fear I have that I need to get through.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Maybe you need to talk to a professional. It sounds like maybe you have trust issues from childhood and as a natural defense you are trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. Maybe if you work through those issues you'll be able to relax and enjoy things more.

    Good luck!!
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 1:35 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Yeah, I think your right. I'm so scared of bring hurt like that again. I seen how hurt my mom was, and when i felt the pain I know she had felt so many times, I dont know how she ever did it.

    Thank you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • You're welcome.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 1:55 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • There is nothing worse than constantly being accused of something you haven't done. You should relax and trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
    my_daisy

    Answer by my_daisy at 2:25 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • My Daisy, relaxing and trusting is easier said than done, especially when he already did give her a reason not to trust him. Obviously you have never been cheated on to understand that its hard to let go of the hurt and completely trust.

    I know exactly how you are feeling I got the luxury of actually catching my SO because of that I constantly have the image especially when we get intimate. Maybe you and your husband should try marriage counseling to help you let go of the hurt because thats a forgivable situation but you will never be able to forget I hope your husband realizes that too. When those dirty thoughts come popping up outta nowhere talk to your husband about it, he may get annoyed or whatever but hes the one who brought it on to himself you cant just bottle it up
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 8:31 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Please take note--if he is drinking--all bets are off of what can/will happen. DON'T feel like you are the "bad guy" --because it is up to HIM to rebuild that trust--and if that means NOT putting himself in those situations again---i.e. drinking with the guys---then he should be willing to give up the drinking. IF he isn't willing to stop the drinking---then that is where the problem lies. One can be a binge drinker and only drink once a year and have a problem. What would he do if you went out drinking and came home "all hours" of the night!!! Don't accept a double standard--if it ain't good for the mom to do so--it ain't good for the husband!!!! If the behavior is detrimental to the marriage--it doesn't matter which partner is doing it--it has to go.... Doing so isn't "normal"--it may be common, but it isn't "normal" for a good dad!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Well said, Anon 10:03.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I know the feeling. My DF cheated on me too. .not sex but it was cheating to me. It hasn't even been a year & he thinks I should just be over it *rolls eyes*. . .but i can't forget. (((hugs)))) I just wanted to say Im sorry.
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 11:39 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • My husband did the same thing before we got married. I just can't get over it. However, I don't bring it up all the time anymore. However, alcohol was involved so I imposed some rules which has really helped. Feel free to message me because I really don't want to get into it more right now.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 12:12 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

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