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my friend

i have a friend who calls me up on the phone and bad mouths this one woman for hours.i dont get it when i go to call her she looks at her caller id and doesnt answer(ive seen her do it)or when i want to go for coffee she blows me off.but when she wants something like to rag on the neighbors thats a different story.i was stupid yesterday both our kids were sick so i thought that what she wanted .but no she wanted to rag on this lady.and when its time for the kids to play she has her daughter play with this other girl(natalie)and they blow my dauughter off even after she just put down this womans family for hours.i thinking she is using me .i dont know.my question is should i email her and tell her what i think she is doing.she just blasted the neighbor on her street.any ideas

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snowmom974

Asked by snowmom974 at 8:36 AM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Id tell her you arent interesting in hearing her gossip about her neighbor and are more interested in trying to be friends but since she thinks youre her therapist until she decides to be real friends and stop blowing you off to stop calling.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:43 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Like I said..."Those who Gossip to you, Gossip about you!" You need to tell her this!
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 8:48 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Just stop playing her game. When she calls and starts bad-mouthing the other lady, just tell her you have decided to no longer entertain negative comments about others. Tell her you would not want others listening to gossip about you, and you don't want to be guilty of listening to it about others. Always remember, the only way another person can use you is if you allow yourself to be used. So just stop letting her do these things. You know that she's not really your friend. You also know that if she talks about the other lady behind her back, she's doing the same thing to you. So don't give her any ammunition to use against you. I would look for a real friend.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:55 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • She likes to hear herself talk, it appears. And she likes to feel superior by listing what she considers the faults of others. She doesn't sound like a very good person to be friends with, partly because her own insecurity makes her petty, and partly because she is undoubtedly listing your "faults" to others. Next time she starts up, you don't need to actually confront if you don't want to, but say something nice about the person she is badmouthing (Oh but she is always dressed nicely, or she is such a nice person.) When it becomes apparent that you won't accept negative remarks, she'll stop. If she doesn't, find something else to do so you don't have to listen to all of this.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:07 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Look up Borderline Personality Disorder on the Web, check the symptoms. I have some knowledge of BPD, she may have it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I had a friend who only wants to call me when she doesn't have anything better to do. She'd call me on her drive home from work and run her agenda and then if I tried to bring up anything she'd either ignore what I said or she would have to go. And she also talked badly about a mutual acquaintance at times. I just stopped taking her calls. One time she called and said she wanted me to come and pick her up to go to the zoo with she and her daughter. I thought oh, fun! A play date for my son. Nope, she just wanted a ride to the zoo because her car was in the shop and didn't "want to sit home all day". At some point you need to learn when to cut your losses and move on.

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:19 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • i'd teel her you dont want to hear her gossip and that it will bring nothing but drama to her
    Love_My_Lil_One

    Answer by Love_My_Lil_One at 10:27 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

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