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Is anyone going through a custody case with stepchildren? I could use some advise?

My fiance is trying to get custody of his daughter. His ex girlfriend is jealous of me and feeding her daughter lies about her father and I. Its starting to get stressful. I dont plan giving up but I could use some advise on how to deal with stress during this process.

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burnic43

Asked by burnic43 at 9:39 AM on Mar. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • I am almost going thru the same process. It is VERY VERY hard to get custody of a child. Meaning this is TMI, my bestfriends ex-husband, had sent her emails, letters saying how he is going to kill himself because he loves her so much. He has a perverted mind and ejaculates in her little sisters panties and her mothers and puts them back in their drawer. This was 3 yrs ago and that's the last call of why she split with him. He had gowns in his closet from Victorias secret and he uses them.. Anyhow she could not get full custody of him.. Unfortuneatly he still sees his son.. How old is his daughter??? She may have to learn on her own. That's how my steps sons learned.. The oldest is almost 4 and he loves it at our house, eventually he will see the truth and realized mommy is the bad one.. Good luck
    Prican91181

    Answer by Prican91181 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Just remember that you are doing this for your SD. You are doing what is best for her, I assume. Try to keep a clear head. When those really frustrating moments come and you want to yell, walk away and cool down. I know there have been times where my SD would say something that BM said and I would just want to explode. We haven't done a custody case yet because we feel that if we did, it could actually hurt us. Right now we have joint custody, but she has physical custody. However, we have had them more than she has for at least 2 years. (I wasn't around before that so I don't know for how long he has actually had them more than she has but there was a change at one point). We are worried that if we went to court to make it official or even tried for support that we would end up losing the time we have or that it would be hard for the kids. No one pays support at all right now.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:47 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Already been there and done that. And yes we did get custody. You have to have a lot of patience during the whole thing or it will rip your heart out. My sd thought I was horrible to her, just b/c of what her mom and others where telling her. And it went on like that even after we got custody. One day she was telling me how mean and unfair I was to her. I finally blew up, and told her she was old enough to make her very own desicions in life. And she knew I was in no way mean to her or mistreated her. That I loved her like one of my own kids, and she knew it. (this is after 5 years, sd 9 @ the time). I just told her she was old enough not to listen to what everyone told her, she had a mind of her own and that she needed to start making some judgement calls, ect. The next day she came up and hugged me and said you are right, I know you love me and that you are mostly fair. SO just have some patience, it will work out.
    lovinmomto3

    Answer by lovinmomto3 at 9:52 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Depends on how old his daughter is. If she's under 10, and the biomom isn't VERY abusive, in many parts of the country you don't stand a chance.

    We've been in a custody battle for 3 years. My SD has technically lived with us full time since Jan 2006, and had virtually no visitation since last September (about 12 days total in six months) She's 14 now, her biomom has been physically abusive, and emotionally abusive. We have reported to CPS with a dr.s note to back it up, yet they basically just suggested a parenting evaulation. She did not comply (still in court over that) My SD has told the judge, a mediator, a GAL (who quit in the trial so no longer counts) and two counselors that she is only okay with seeing BM every other weekend MAX and a MAXIMUM of 4 weeks in the summer only if it's broken up - yet no one is listening. It's insane.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 10:12 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • - cont.

    Anyways the main point is the best way to cope is ACCEPT there is a bias towards mothers in the courts, that the justice system does not always stand for justice and expect they will NOT always do what is best for a child.

    Acceptance of injustice is key if you don't want to drive yoursel finsane.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 10:13 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

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