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How do you handle this when your child tell you to get a full time job to provide for her needs?

My daughter is a full time college student and she is 19 year old. She only takes 4 courses about 13 to 14 credits a semester. I work part time and have medical conditions-fibromyelgia, rhuematoid arthritics, and ostoeporosies. My daughter does not work during the school semester because she said she can not work and school at the same time and get good grades. She only works in the summer full time last year. She keeps all her money for herself. She does not contribute to the household. I pay for everything in the house including buying her a car, paying for her car insurance. The only thing that I require of her to pay is the gas that she use in her car. She demands to have high speed internet, text message in her cellular phone, pay allowance to her every week. I can not give her all these with one income. She told me to get a full time job to provide for her. What do you think of this?

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Asked by chou1autumn at 11:19 AM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (151)
  • I'm wondering who is in charge at your house....

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:21 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Well you've allowed her to act this way, and she's going to continue to act this way untill you put your foot down

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:22 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Tell her no! While I think what you are doing is GREAT for her and it does help her succeed. You helping her while she's in school is NOT a RIGHT, it is a privilege. I wish I had been so lucky. One day she will thank you for what you've done for her, just watch and see.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:22 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Hmm, I dunno, my mom worked FULL time, went to school full time, was a full time wife AND mother and she didnt' act that way.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:23 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • i agree, one nerve i have is ungrateful kids. i would tell her she wants it get more hours a work and seeing how shes old enough to realize life is hard i woud make her pay rent even 50 a week also intrnet and phone make her pay she will see that u bust your butt just to pay for something. and it will help you out. also ask her if u need to change her butt to cause shes still acting like a child. i have a friend who works full time and goes to school and gets good grades and will be done in may she also just bought her first house and shes getting married in sep. so she works, school, planning wedding, and decorating a new home. im sorry but your 19 year old would have nothing here unless she pays for it, its one thing to be in school but be greatful dont bite the hand that feeds you. i would say give me this much $ a month or its all disconnected. stand up for yourself hun xo

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:29 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • What do I think of this? I think your daughter needs an attitude adjustment. My son will get a job and pay for at least his car insurance, cell phone, and gas... other things, we will talk about, but if he acts like an ingrate he will not be getting help from me. Your daughter is an adult now and you are doing way to much for her as it is. She needs to suck it up and realize that in the REAL world you have to work hard for what you want. She needs to be working at least part time through college, that is just my opinion of course....

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:34 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • im sorry i need to add my dd is 9 and she helps pay for somethings with her allowence but she does chores to get the money also she has cable in her room at 16.00 a month that she does pay for by helping bring in wood rakeing the yard shoveling and some other stuff, but if she wants a toy or new c/d she saves for it. she knows im not an atm machine and she knows i work hard for my money and knows i save money to get big things like a new bed. and when my dh was 15 he had 3 jobs and bought his own cars there was no asking mom and dad.

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:34 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • She sounds like a selfish, self centered pretentious BRAT!!! It sounds to me that you have enabled her to become this way though. At nineteen, tell her either she starts footing the bill for her stuff or she can get the hell out. Cancel her car insurance and her cell phone, tell her if she wants them, she can pay for them herself. Ugh, I cannot stand people who have such a sense of entitlement, it's sickening. Make her grow up cause obviously, she hasn't yet.

    Answer by happyathomemum at 11:35 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • IMO,,I would have told her if she wants all this stuff go get a job..Then I would have told her she is cut off..I would not give/hand her any more money ..Or pay any of her personal bills..She is a grown women..But she is acting like a 15 yo.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:38 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I think you need to tell her to grow the F up!! Who does she think she is? Why should you have to support her entirely on your own while she is selfish and keeps any income for herself; not contributing to the family at all!??! I'd tell her that free room & board ended at 18 & if she'd like some addt'l things around the house perhaps she should chip in --

    And btw; I went to work FT & school PT and got good grades; as did my mom...that's a lame lazy ass excuse...

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 11:44 AM on Mar. 19, 2009

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