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Military transition and not sure what to do about depressed DH?

My hubby chose to get out of the Marines this past Oct. He didn't want to go through deployments anymore since we have a family now. He was so happy at first with his whole transition. He now has a great job with great hours. But the problem is we really don't have alot of friends aside from family and we are having trouble finding a house to buy (which is stressing him out). This past week he has been really acting sad and depressed. He opened up lastnight about how he has no friends besides me and he just feels so depressed all the time lately. I have no idea what to do about this! This is really freaking me about because I have never seen him like this before. I asked him what I can do to help and he just said he doesn't know and that it isn't me at all. He is going to see the Dr. next week for other reasons and said he was going to mention it to the Dr. I just feel like I need to do something.... advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • It is a huge transition. When my DH retired in 2002 from the Navy after 30 yrs he was in a funk for a long time. In fact, he is over the worst but he still misses it. Your husband does need to talk to someone, I'm glad for you he has an appt. He and YOU need to get out and get active in your community, or schools, church, hobbies...anything that puts you in contact with new people. To make friends you have to be friendly...and you have to get out there. Let your husban know what he is going through is not at all uncommon. That doesn't make it better, but perhaps it will ease his mind. Tell him Doc's wife understand..he will know exactly what I mean.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:39 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • where do you guys live? try finding a sitter for the night and hit up a sports bar or something and just go up and talk to people. i hope he gets the help he needs. its hard getting use to the freedom after the military life... good luck mama

    Answer by YObando at 12:52 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • That is one problem...we can find lots of friends at bars...if we drank. But we don't anymore. We are over that part of life and have two small kids. We really want to find some friends that aren't into the party thing anymore and that is really hard...especially around where we live. We get a sitter (my mom) every friday night and go on dates but it's for just the two of us so we can be alone. Church is the main place we look for friends but everyone is already in their own little "clicks" that it's just hard. Ugh...just thinking about all this is making ME depressed! haha

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Is he making new friends at work that he could hang out with occasionally? I just got out of the Navy after 10 years this past May and we moved to SC because my husband got a job here. We have no family around us at all. The closest family is a 10 hour drive away. I'm not working because we decided to start a family right away and I will do the SAHM thing for a few years. Basically I have no friends, either. I do go to a yoga class where I met some other ladies, but I don't hang out with them except during class. Maybe he could start doing some volunteer work to get to know some people with similar interests. Is there a veterans group near you that he could join? My husband also doesn't have many friends. He has the guys at work but he never hangs out with them outside of work. Although he is perfectly happy with that.

    Answer by Christina807 at 1:11 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Heck I know what you are going through, dh just got out of the navy last month and has not yet been able to find a great job, he just got offered one but that's only part time. He also has no friends since his navy career took up all of our time and the friends we had got tired of us canceling plans because of work.

    Answer by gonefishin at 1:28 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Search for a Marine Corps League chapter near you. They work with the USMC Reserves for the Toys for Tots drive every year. He can also become a mentor for Young Marines.

    If your kids are old enough, put them in Scouts or in Little League. That is a great way to meet other parents.

    Answer by Gypsy98 at 2:35 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

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