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Is it irresponsible of me?

We have 3 kids and we would like 1 more. We could afford it with our income now. I work nights and I work every weekend. I never get to do things with my family, and I go to bed at 5 pm, when my dh gets home from work. Since we don't spend much time together as a family, would it be irresponsible to have more??? If we didn't have any more kids, I should be able to cut back on my hours, so I would have every other Saturday off. This is really weighing heavily on us. We would want the next one soon, because when all the kids are in school, I will be able to sleep more while they are at school. Then I could participate in more after school activities, because I wouldn't have to go to sleep as soon as dh gets home. I was off last night, but I'm on tonight. So as soon as DH is home, I have to go to bed :( What do you ladies think?

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Asked by mamatomy3boys at 5:54 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Do you have enough or can you save enough for their education and for their health care? These are probably more important questions than whether you'll be able to get enough sleep without needing to go to bed so early and missing being with the children that you already have. The sleeping, as you mentioned, is a passing concern. Providing a good education and health care is lifelong for the children. Another concern is are your children getting enough nurturing to grow to be healthy in mind and body. If not then your question is answered.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:59 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • only you can truely deceided if another one is okay. Go with your heart and your husband's.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 6:02 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Even though health care and education are important matters to think about, the kids you have now don't care about that at the moment. All they know is mommy isn't having fun with us or doing things with us as a family. Having another child is fine as long as everyone Else isn't being forgotten in the process. I wish you luck as you make this decision.


    Answer by BooBear666 at 6:06 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • i dont think its fair to your other children because your barely there but its your dicision to make and goodluck

    Answer by 4lyfe56 at 6:19 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • BTW, we do have health insurance and college funds for the kids. As I reread my post, I realized that what I want most is to spend time with my family. If we had another baby, that wouldn't happen. I think I answered my own question :) As much as we want another baby, it is more important to make sure I am giving my all to my existing family first.

    Answer by mamatomy3boys at 6:22 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I personally think that you know things cannot continue as they are if you bring another child into your family. You are certainly not being irresponsible- that would have been to get preg first ask questions later.

    I think that mommy is more important than money. no, you don't need to be a SAHM but they do need to know you'll be physically there for them when they need you.
    If you can work it out so you have more time with ALL of your children then you can seriously consider baby #4. Good luck in your decision. I hope you are able to work it out the way you want.

    Answer by LuckyClown at 6:28 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Its a tough decision...IMO you should base your decision on the future possibilities...

    If you decide to have another child, but have to keep your current work schedule, you may have to sacrifice family time now. But what about in 5 years? Is it important to make money NOW in order to get to where you want to be with your family in the future?

    Or, would you rather spend more time with the kids now and maybe put off having another child in order to give your current kids more? Will you feel good about that decision in 5 years?

    Its about what you want and when you want it...good luck making a decision.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 6:46 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • As a mother of 4 (8 total pregnancies) you would wonder if my answer would be are you nuts or go for it girl. However in doubt, live without. You are not doing yourself, not your husband and/or significant other or your children any favor by bringing another child into the picture if you are not 100% absolutely sure of the decision to do so. My husband and I always wanted a big family, but life isn't always fair and at the young age of 41 my husband died leaving me to raise 3,7,9,11 y/o children. I have raised my children with the belief that you should never have more kids than the number of hands you have, so you always have a hand to hold onto them when they need it. However if your other children are older and don't need to hold onto you, then it's another story. Either way I truly hope you are able to make the decision that is beneficial to everyone involved.

    Answer by shock77777 at 8:41 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

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