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How do I get my boyfriend to understand how I'm feeling?

Hi, I'm seventeen years old and 12 weeks pregnant. I've always struggled with depression, anxiety and eating disorders but since I've been pregnant my feelings and emotions have sky rocketed higher than I ever imagined. My body is changing drastically and I feel disgusted and disturbed when I look in the mirror. Honestly, every single time I look in the mirror I just start sobbing. I have also had some issues with my parents, my mom is acting crazy and rubbing the fact that I "ruined my life" in my face buy reminding me that she was going to buy me a car but she's not now and that I could have gotten into a good college and all these other stuff and i'm not going to now. On top of all that I just get sad all the time anyway and I feel like everyone is out to get me. My boyfriend of 3 years thinkks that I can control these feelings and just stop feeling bad about myself. he doesn't understand the hormones and stuff.


Asked by javila at 6:40 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • First - here's a hug for you. *hug*
    Now - if looking in the mirror makes you feel bad - then DON'T look! Seriously. Before you get out of bed, tell yourself three good things about you. Sounds silly, but try it. You are obviously smart, beautiful and able to ask for help. Those are good things.
    Being pregnant, you will have to deal with crazy hormones, and you won't always feel like yourself. Know this: I know hundreds of women, and not one of them regrets the changes their bodies have gone through to have babies. Not one. You'll soon find that your body image takes a huge backseat to the wonderful child you are about to parent. It will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
    Sounds like your mom is very upset - you are going to have to be strong enough to let her vent - and not listen to a word of it. You are her baby, and she had big plans for you. She's disappointed, but will get over it - they all do.

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 6:50 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • have him watch a movie with you...try pregnacies for dummy' talks all about what women go through during the first trimester...

    Answer by angi_mona at 6:46 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I am not going to lie, your situation is bad, very bad. I can somewhat understand because I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. My parents were not happy about it. I hope you can find strength and comfort in knowing that others have gone through what you have and have come out on top. I don't want to come acrossed rude, or insensitive, but from what you desribed you are no where near ready to emotionally ready to have a child. If you are going to have a girl how do you plan on raising her to have a healthy self-esteem when you do not have one yourself? How will you be able to handle those impossible temper-tantrums of a two year old when you are already depressed? What about the sleepness nights with a newborn? I can tell you that a mother has to be strong and have a strong support system to care for a child. Take a step back and really analyize your situation.

    Answer by AnnaMac at 6:50 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • You'll feel better after this first trimester. Keep taking care of yourself, and talk to your doctor if your sadness persists. There are some things you can take during pregnancy that might help.
    Chin up! And tell teh boyfriend the best thing for you is lots of compliments and massages. :) (and chocolate!)

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 6:51 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • You need to ask yourself if your BF is ready to be a dad. He does not seem emotionally supportive of you if he just thinks you can control these feelings. He is not taking this seriously and is making your problems out to be not important. You need to seek counseling. Most states provide free counseling for someone in your situation. Consider adoption. If that does not feel right for you than you really need to get your stuff together before this baby is born. As for your parents...they may just need time. I know mine did. They were very supportive and helpful after my son was born, but they had a lot of difficulty accepting that I was 19 and pregnant. I truely hope you can get through this. Please write me if you need help or just someone to vent to.

    Answer by AnnaMac at 6:54 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Also you and him both need to start reading books about pregnancy and babies. This will be very beneficial to both of you and show your parents you are beginning to show some responsiblity.


    Answer by AnnaMac at 7:00 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I agree with all the advice given here. Pregnancy is hard no matter what age you are. Tell your mom you didn't ruin your life, you just changed it's path. You can still go to a good college and graduate. I busted my butt thought high school and got accepted to Stanford University. I was on cloud 9 when I got my acceptance letter. It's not everyday that a poor girl gets into an ivy league college with absolutely no money. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was devastated. I thought about it long and hard and decided to continue with my pregnancy and have my baby. I knew that even though my bf wanted the baby that he was not ready and that someday, I'd be a single mom. I was right...he stuck around for two years and those two years were hell. I was able to go to college and get my degree and I'm still working on my JD from law school. I didn't ruin my life just took another route to get what I wanted so will u.

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 7:10 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • 3 gymnasticsmom- I want to thank you for all your positive feedback! It's been very helpful for me and makes me feel like there's hope :)

    Legalmommy101- Yeah I have the feeling that I may end up a single mother as well...not for certain but, you can never know.

    AnnaMac - While I appreciate that you replied to my question and provided a lot of good advice, I feel like it was a little harsh to say I'm not ready for a baby and suggest adoption. Yeah I've got issues but if you think for one minute I will let them effect my precious little baby, you are dead wrong. And you are right, my boyfriend isn't ready to be a dad. But he bought the books and he's trying his best.

    Angi_Mona - Thanks! I will def. try that with him, it could really help!

    Answer by javila at 7:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Well, your boyfriend is probably too young to understand that you're hormonal and CAN'T control much of it. I'm a grownup and had my Dad who's an OB/GYN, call my husband to set his ass straight about hormones! Get references or literature from the doc's office that explains the hormones if you have to. Your Mom is disappointed which is why SHE is acting out. She loves you and wanted the whole road spread out before you, kind of life. Well, shit happens. Talk to Mom and tell her insults aren't helping and if she wants to be unkind, she can tell someone else. Next, keep working on your studies to continue college part time and no matter what, do not give up! You can still have it all. Lastly, your body will change back to what it was. Be good about your eating habits while pregnant and the weight will come off but you must eat while carrying a baby so keep that in mind! I think you're freaked and i don't blame you, it'll be OK!

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:39 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • if your body is changing at 12 weeks, it's not bc you are pregnant. I think you are a drama queen. Go see a dr both medical and mental health dr.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Mar. 19, 2009