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What would you do?

Im not going to get into the details. But my DH will be deployed for the next year. He did some really stupid things while he was deployed last time, and if I find out he is doing them again, I will be taking the kids and leaving him. He knows this, and knows I will do it. I do not trust him. But I know that at least right now, he is really trying to win my trust back. Now my question-- there are a few things for sure that have to be bought while he is deployed (like a new van, Im getting ready to have #4). Other than that, and a few other things, would you use the extra money to buy the things that you both talked about (new dining room table, paying off bills from both of us, etc) or would you hoard the money until, say, a month before he got home to make sure he didn't "screw up" again? Like a safety net? Im really not a greedy person, but Im trying to think of what is best for the kids and I.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:56 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • i would look for a used (but safe) van and a used dining room table and then save the money just in case.

    Answer by SThompson21 at 7:59 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • don't trust him but you are pregnant with his 4th child? Trust is a big issue and without it there is no relationship. Save your money and cross your fingers. I hope things turn out the way you want. Good luck.

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:02 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Save the money and make sure the new van is in your name. Save his check stubs (if you can get to them) so, if you have to leave it'll be easy to get him for child support.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:05 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • yeah bc we all know how important a new dining table is for the KIDS! The man is the father of your children and going to be deployed and you plot to rob him blind for material things you want? Wow, that's just wrong on so many levels.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • The dining room table can wait, but you have to have safe transportation. Get the van, save the rest.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:07 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Ha ha! Baby #4 came before I found out things he did. Child support is not an issue, although i have full access to his financial things. And I never said the dining room table was "for the kids". That was something "we" both wanted to get AFTER a van, and with the extra money. And I never stated robbing him blind. I still buy him everything he needs. I send more packages worth a hell of a lot more than most wives send. Believe me, he is not doing without. Can anyone say $400 bag because he "liked" it instead of getting the car that does drive around HIS children right now, fixed?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • OP i got what your are saying ignore the negative post. my husband is military too. he hasnt deployed yet. if you need someone to talk to without being bashed, feel free to message me. :)

    Answer by SThompson21 at 8:18 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Well, I'm sorry you had to go threw this! My husband is in the Army also and he has been on 3 diff deployments. He has never done anything wrong on his deployments. Honestly I don't know how they have the time to make mistakes. But I do have a friend who's husband cheated on her while he was deployed. They were gonna get a divorce but she said lets see how the next deployment goes and he was a good boy. But all I can say is go onto craigslist and look for cheap things to buy and see how it goes! Please don't jump to the conclusion that he is going to do it again. They go threw alot while they are over there I know it's no excuse. But you need to trust him I know it's gonna be hard but he is the man you have married and you have 4 kids with! Good Luck! If you want to talk feel free to send me a message! :)

    Answer by jziegler at 8:28 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I would Save the money just to be on the safe side. You could still get the van because that's something you will need anyway since you are having another baby, the dining room table could wait.

    Answer by kira25 at 8:31 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • jziegler, there is plenty of time to cheat while deployed. I was in the military myself and the stuff that goes on is beyond unbelieveable. Most of the time you won't even know some of those guys are married cause they walk around with there ring off and do a hell alot of flirting. Not to mention how stressful the job is so if they get a little attention for the opposite sex they may fall to temptation.

    Answer by kira25 at 8:36 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

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