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My 13 year old son is be disruptive in one of his classes. What punishment is fair?

3 grades have dropped from b's to C's on his progress report, and he has got his first girlfriend- being disruptive in class- Now the teacher wants to have a conference with all teachers and counsler. We are making him break up wirth girlfriend- no friends and activities- his birthday is canceled -we were supposed to take 2 friends to the snow-
I feel bad-but I guess this is part of being a parent-are we being to hard?

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Goldenbrowny

Asked by Goldenbrowny at 9:02 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • is it a one class or all of them? maybe it's the teacher he has a problem with, or someone in school like a bully? if he was doing good at first and now is failing something might be bothering him, and canceling a birthday party is bad, that's celebrating his birth not a reward.
    WhatevaItTakes

    Answer by WhatevaItTakes at 9:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • It is Math, English and a elective that have gone down to C's- he is in 7th grade and trying to get his mind focused on good grades and think about long term college goals.

    He has a problem in one class - He happens to have the same teacher in home room and English - and she says he is rude and disruptive-and talks back.
    He says he dislikes her and hopes she's one of the teachers that will get laid off due to recession, lol -I had to hold back from laughing- and told him that was not nice to say.
    Goldenbrowny

    Answer by Goldenbrowny at 9:22 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • Do not make him break up with his GF. That will back fire. Sit down and have a talk with him and tell him what he is doing has to stop. And if his friends a part of the problem then you have to make him see that they are not good friends. (if they are good friends they would not tell you to do something stupid)
    You have to get him involved in the punishments, tell him to pick what should happen every time he breaks the rules. He has to know that there are good consequences and bad consequence. Just talk to him and make him feel that you do care and you love him. Also you need to tell him that he can have fun with out breaking rules. Eat dinner together every night, that is when you talk and must tell him how you feel. ( i'm hurt, sad, angry) The talk should also be light, funny.
    Most important make sure his friends come over, more than he goes over their homes. Good way to see what he is doing. Good Luck
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 9:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • If he is only disruptive in one class I would think it is something going on between him and the teacher, he is bored in that class, or he is showing off for someone (maybe the GF?) who is only in that class. I would definitely meet with the teacher and see what (s)he says. My son was having problems in only one class in middle school and he kept insisting "the teacher hates me" and once I emailed her a few times and talked to her on the phone and checked the assignments and his work several times I realized he was right she definitely did not like him.


    I took away my DS's b-day this year but then felt so bad I let him earn it back. Is it far enough away to do that?

    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:23 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I would go sit with him in class. That's just me if he didn't stop. My son knows me too. LOL I don't think he would want me back there after that.
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 11:09 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • I agree on rethinking the break up with the GF. You can't really enforce it and I think the message is better that he has to keep up on his school work, regardless of his friends or other activities. Having friends and especially girlfriends is important to one's self-esteem, so I wouldn't try to challenge that.


    I like the comment by JCRestoredme... if you can, do it. Sometimes you have to embarass your kids they way they do you. I give them realistic examples of 'do unto others'!


    Perhaps before going that far, I'd try to find one more maintainable punishment (like taking away PC time, or a cell phone... something that hits his socializing without you telling him who he can or cannot see) and try that as a first step and see if he reacts.  And you might give him a reward (like an outing with friends or a sleepover) if he gets to a B+, etc.

    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 10:21 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Don't force him to break up with his girlfriend or stay away from his friends, he needs that. I would start out by going to school and sitting in on the class he is having trouble in. Find out if it is the teacher, if other kids act out too. It could very well be the teacher. Don't say when you are going to be there, just show up. Some teachers are rude and disrespectful to the kids and it isn't fair that they then blame the kids for their attuitudes. Also, my 7th grader has begun to have an attitude with his math/advisory teacher and when I talked to her , she had a horrible attitude about the kids. They were rude, and she was frustrated with attitudes and dealing with it for the last 18 yrs. Um, you CHOSE to work with that age group, do something to be less frustrated. I told her that her attitude probably had something to do with the kids attitudes. She needed to figure out a way to not have an attitude with them.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:47 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • But, if it is your son, have him apologize to the teacher, in writing. Take away things that he really enjoys. I have taken to making my son write dictionary pages with whatever the word he has done on it. He HATED writing, so this is a huge punishment for him. Although he is learning and will be well prepped for his SATS, it is still a punishment.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • i agree that a written apology is a good idea and my motto for motherhood is "its my job to control you until you control yourself" with that in mind i tell my kids that they can expect me to be sitting right next to them in class. I have never had to do it but they know i will. grades come first. its also a personal think that my boys cant date till 16. kids are nuts these days and they have come up against girls who have dated 20 year olds by 15!
    Dawn2plus1

    Answer by Dawn2plus1 at 6:51 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

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