Friend is adopted and found her bm 8 years ago. Relationship is only a phone call once or twice a year. The relationship with bm is as much as she expected but strained. Bm finally told her the birthfather’s name and what state he lived in at the time of her conception. PI look into it and found 4 men who could be her birthfather. She has phone numbers and addresses for them. Bm didn’t want her to contact him b/c he didn’t know she was even pregnant. Now, the question. Suggestions on contacting these men to find out if one of them could be her birthfather? She is scared to call those number’s b/c if he is married she doesn’t want to cause him problems but really wants to find him. Birthmom didn’t want her to contact him b/c she is worried he would contact her and her other children don’t know. Has anyone had the kind of thing? How do you suggest she contact the men and what should she say?Answer Question
An adoptee friend of mine called the person he thought was his father and started with "are you...? Did you date...in 19..? If so then that's good news for me and I hope that's good news for you." I thought that was a nice way to start.
Could your friend Google Image the name and see which one looks like her and which ones she can eliminate?
I have mixed thought on the birth mother situation. On one hand I want to condemn her for lying and keeping secrets. On the other I understand that in the old days there was so much shame heaped on birth moms and they were told never to tell, so who can blame her. Either way your friend has the absolute right to know who her father is and have a relationship with him if she wants.
Answer by onethentwins at 12:40 PM on Mar. 20, 2009
Answer by Praying at 4:55 PM on Mar. 21, 2009
Answer by ceejay1 at 4:25 PM on Mar. 23, 2009
Answer by ceejay1 at 4:30 PM on Mar. 23, 2009
further to what the last two posters said. When an adoptee goes searching for their birth parents it is absolutely no reflection on how good the aparents where! aparents, if your child searches, don't feel bad. It does not mean that you failed.
Answer by onethentwins at 8:59 PM on Mar. 23, 2009
Answer by baconbits at 11:32 AM on Mar. 24, 2009