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I am so sick and tired of it!

I am trying to survive my rebellious 12 yr old dd and failing miserably! I am so stressed out that I am having heart problems now because of it. She is hell-bent on being rebellious and I cannot seem to do anything to change her behavior. I have tried any and every type of discipline I can think of. I have her seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Nothing is working! I talk to her and she says she's sorry and then goes right back to being a rebel. Tonight, I lost it and said some really mean things to her. I apologized to her and told her I didn't feel that way, but that I was so frustrated that I no longer know what I can do to make her behave. She again said she's sorry but I know that tomorrow will be the same. Is this normal? Is there EVER a break?! I swear something's gotta give or I am not going to live to see her next birthday!


Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Mar. 19, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Bootcamp if you can afford it or can get your child on the waiting list. If not ask the psychiatrist what you can do.I know that moving is usually out of the question due to work and school, but that may be an option for you to think about. Getting your DD out of the area and all her friends who may be a cause in her behavior. I had the same problem with my son and my solution was to have him go live with his dad and step-mom. I got him out of the clutches of the trouble making kids where I live. His attitude these days is like he went from night to day. Ihope you can survive the terrible teen years and I want you to know you are not doing anything wrong, hang in there and if you ever need to talk don't hesitate to pm me.

    Answer by BooBear666 at 1:07 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • BOOTCAMP. Learn it, live it, love it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Mar. 19, 2009

  • does she have a personality disorder that influences her behavior? If so, she may not be able to control it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:17 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Well this happened to my dad when my sister was about this age. He sent her to the detention home for a weekend. There is NO excuse for her behavior, if there is no disorder here. Do not just threaten her with it, because she will just stop for a while then start again, because she knows you wont do anything about it. Tell her there WILL be consequences for her actions if she continues to act this way. If you don't want her to be sent to the DH, call your local police department and ask them if they can come scare some sense into her. (when i started being rebellious that is what my parents did and it worked just fine!) They shouldn't have a problem doing it, as long as they have the time! =] hope this helped!

    Answer by mommykayti at 1:54 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Unfortunatly, with the times today , the children know that there is only so much a parent is allowed to do. I agree with all the suggestions above. Start small, work your way up to the bigger ones suggested here. Unfortunatly, there is only so much we are allowed to do as parents without getting in trouble ourselves. If sending your DD to her fathers try sending her to another family members house. Possibly, during the summer would be a great time to try a long visit with a family member or a trusted family friend.

    Answer by GardenClub at 2:22 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • IYou don't really say what she is doing...but the consequences need to fit the crime. Remain as calm as possible (easier said then done) and stick to your guns about the rules and the consequences of when they are broken. Get time away yourself (go out with girlfriends and have laughs) it makes it easier to come back and deal with it. I think there is a saying that says "kids need love the most when they are acting unlovable". So if possible try to create some positive experiences with your daughter. There are some good books about raising teens  click through the pages because they are several.  Sounds like your are getting help for your need some support for yourself too (somebody to talk to...cuz raising a rebellious teen can be very trying)


    Answer by momjs at 2:30 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I agree with momjs (I really love her post!!) Try to empathize with your daughter; she probably isn't doing it against you, and try to create some positive moments. Maybe do something with her (movie, dinner, etc.) and if it goes well, try to tell her how you enjoy it when she is happy, and that you are happy to see her feel good (she probably doesn't feel good when she is lashing out). Try to connect, even if it means overlooking the rest for a short while.

    Also, you might want to post some specific examples/problems and see what advise you can get on cafemom. You might get a few ideas to handle specific situations.

    Good luck... and do take care of yourself too!

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 10:28 AM on Mar. 20, 2009