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im pregnant and my lover is still involved! what to do now?

im about 6 wks pregnant and I never ever been the other woman and the guy iam with was sperated from his other baby momma, now that I found out I'm pregnant I do not know which way is up anymore, We still talk but the things between us aren't right anymore, He hasnt completely left the other woman and his excuse is the kids yet he refuses to give me up also and I stupidly refuse to let him go too, what would you do if you were me. and if your going to be negative please just don't answer Cuz Yes I know whats going down is wrong. But now I have a life to think of and he should be part of our childs life like he and I want. So How do we either end this affair or fix this mess We both lead our-selfs in?

 
Ayeshah

Asked by Ayeshah at 6:11 AM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (23)
  • I know what it feels lik ebeing the other woman, alot of lies secert, hurt pain i know i what thougth it for yrs and still am, i love my husband we have two kids together, and me having kids did not change him he could cars less, he was always with me and lot of other girls too, so maybe he migth leave his wife/girlfreind but chances are not good, but sometimes people do change for themself but not likely and once a guy cheats than he will alway be labled a cheater ,so the best thing for you and your unborn child is to forget that he was a part of you life, you can do better than him,the world goes round you will find somebody that will love you and your unborn child just takes time and waiting i know that it easyer said than done i thougth that i could never move on with out my husband but i did and belive me it was not the easyest thing to but just give it time and everything will work out for the best i know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Oh, good God. Doesn't anyone use condoms anymore?
    Mel.Ann.Choly

    Answer by Mel.Ann.Choly at 6:16 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Honestly, I would leave him. I know it is hard to do especially since you are pregnant now but he is not going to leave his wife/girlfriend because he would have by now. Besides, even if he does leave her and goes to you, what makes you think he won't have another affair with someone else. I think it would be best for you and the baby to just forget about him. If he wants visitation rights then great! When the time comes arrange something that works out for the both of you, but chances are if his wife/girlfriend doesn't know about you then I doubt he is going to tell her now and he definitely will not be telling her about his other child. Good luck in whatever you decide and I wish you the best for you and your children.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 6:22 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Well, it is done now. Either way one of those kids is going to be going without their father in the home. I would suggest you take a step back from the emotional fun of being with him, examine your relationship for what it is, and focus on being a mom rather than furthering this drama.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 6:23 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Never be so desperate to have a man in your life that you becoming willing to be second choice. If you have no self esteem, then you'll settle for anything, and he can play BOTH of you because you are willing to put up with a bunch of lies, abandonment and emotional cruelty because you are desperate for him to choose you.He has all the power in this relationship because you GIVE it to him. Why let him make the decision?? I'd tell him to HIT THE ROAD. He'll go between both of you as long as you two women allow it. He gets to have his cake and eat it too. Every boy's(notice I didn't say MAN's) fantasy. Two women fighting over him, and he gets sex from both when he wants it.
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 6:29 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I could go into a long speech about how we came to be how we are now but theres no point ,
    yeah the freaking thing broke some know how it is you um YEAH but I figured you know serm-a-side& nonxinal 9 how ever its spelt. we were done whn we noticed, now as to me allowing anything no ma'am's i am not sexually together with him any longer but we like i said talk, and yes i do know that i am letting him get the upper hand at times and this is where i kick my own self in the behind. i have told him he needs to foucus on our baby now because even if lhe has his own place it changes nothing . which to him he thinks it does bcause well oh babe i left like i told you i was going to do, I see that i am not in her shoes and do not want to be there yet again like i said its hard to let go and i im really stupid when it comes to this huy, weak is the word i want to use and i do not want anyone to feel sorry for me because i feel bad
    Ayeshah

    Answer by Ayeshah at 6:51 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • the kids mines and his and for our unborn, but i fel sorry for her, and yes she does know about me and she, surprisingly wasnt rude mean or anything , she was nothing but polite to me and i felt even worst and well yeah i should. when i meet tony he asked me for some advice and it starte from there , he did not lie to me nor from what she has tomd me had he lied to hr about me, and thats where my problem lies, he told her what happen when it happen and told me what he was still planing to do which was what he did, moved out, she even concured that they were already over way befor i came into the picture yet i feel like i speed things along and i feel like its still in lots of ways my fault. i blame him too but i take blame for the things i myself did wrong.our kids don't know each others kids all that well and they dont know the other person meaning me and him all that well but hurting is hurting i will TTYL more2cme TY
    Ayeshah

    Answer by Ayeshah at 6:57 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • oh to answer just a few questions i wasnt even looking for a guy to be in my life to be very honest. and i never thought to even be placed in this situation cuz i never settled for 2nd i place my self number 1 up until now. life has a way of making you see things clearier and I know what I have to do and thats reality.RIGHT? well TTYL and will like i said tell ya more cuz yes I need to talk and advise is something i am willing to take any time. TY
    Ayeshah

    Answer by Ayeshah at 6:59 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I wish that I could say otherwise, but he doesn't sound like a winner. It sounds as though he cheated on the woman he still considers his girlfriend, whom he had children by and isn't even married to. Of course you have an emotional attachment to him, but it seems that he doesn't so much to you, from what you are saying. My suggestion is to move on with your life with him not a part of it other than child care. He must be attractive to you, but since is involved with the mother of his other children, and unless you are willing to share and risk having other children by him, then he's not the one for you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:28 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • SO WHEN HE CHOOSES YOU, ARENT YOU GOING TO LIVE IN MISSERY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO HE IS DOING AN WHAT KIND OF DESEASES HE MAY BE GIVING YOU? IF YOU "THINK" HE CAN BE RESPECTABLE AND START A NEW LIFE WITH YOU JUST CUT OFF ALL CONTACT, TAKE CHARGE OF THE SITUATION AN BE A GOOD MOTHER NOT RUNNING AFTER SOME MARRIED GUY. YOU WILL DECIDE WHEN YOUR HORMONES KICKS IN ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILTY TO BE THE BEST ROLE MODEL AND HAVE YOUR CHILD RAISED WITH DIGNITY, I DONT WANT TO SOUND HARSH BUT THATS THE FACTS OF LIFE, YOU CAN SLUM WITH HIM AND BELIEVE HIS CRAP BUT THE MIN. HE DID NOT LEAVE THIS OTHER WOMAN WHEN YOU GOT INTO A SERIOUS RELATIOSHIP,HE BECAME A D.O.G
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 AM on Mar. 20, 2009

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