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How would you feel..

Kinda long but I'll try to keep it short. I have a friend who I have been friends with for about 10 years now and throughout highschool. She got into a car accident last year and she cannot do things on her own anymore. She needs her family to help her, I've tried helping her a few times but she won't let me! She gets angry, upset and she doesn't even like to talk to me anymore. I feel sad because I miss her so much and she will never be the same. My other friends are also calling me a bad friend for not going there lately but it's because she doesn't want to see me. She rather be alone and I don't know why! How can I explain this to the rest of my friends who think I'm trying to avoid her? I would help her if she would let me..

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CandieGirl09

Asked by CandieGirl09 at 12:22 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 11 (628 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would get all the friends together and everyone go over kinda like a intervention and sit her down and tell her you all love her just the same and not to be ashamed it was not her fault she is still the same person inside she probably fells she burdens everyone I hope everything works out for her

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Sounds like she maybe depressed. She may also hate having you see her the way she is rather than the way she was. Are these friends of yours also friends of hers? If not it is really none of their business. Can you just be with her and not be a helper. She may just want people to be with her as friends rather than caretakers.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 12:28 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I think you need to talk to her and get her to share her true feelings. If she's only allowing family to help her, she might feel embarrassed that she even needs help and that's why she's refusing to let you. Maybe you could just go and sit with her and talk to her instead of trying to help with anything...or maybe she's mad at you for some reason that you'll never know unless you ask.
    bretsnag

    Answer by bretsnag at 12:29 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I agree with above. I imagine she is depressed about her situation. I don't think it is that she doesn't want you personally around, but probably anyone that knew her before. I wish her the best!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • You are a dear friend to want to help her. Tell the others just what you have told us, that you want desperately to help but at this time she won't let you. She may not want for you to see her in this condition. As time goes on, when she is used to being like this, then maybe she will at least welcome the company. For right now you must respect her wishes. She has so little control over her own life right now, that for her to exert a little control about people visiting or not, is very important to her. It may come across as being angry, and it is partially, anger that this has happened to her, but partly it is asserting herself- having a tiny bit of control in a life that she no longer controls.

    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:30 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • As I indicated above, I really don't think people should visit if she says no. Let her have this control that she no longer has over any of her life. However, once a week I'd call and ask if she'd like you to come over and tell her you are thinking about her and willing to come over whenever she likes.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:39 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • (sorry for yet another post)

    I had, shall we say, extensive, surgery a number of years ago. I asked the nurses to close my room door and put a sign on it no visitors. I was depressed and embarrassed about the tubes and bandages and the invasion of personal space by the doctors and nurses (even though I was grateful for their care), and like your friend I felt as though my life had been taken out of my hands. I wanted to be alone and get some strength and some calm back before I had to deal with being polite or kind. I was sorry to shut out friends because their attention was well-meant, but I just couldn't deal with others when I was so thrown into what had happened to me.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:44 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • She is probably just depressed that she doesnt have the same life she did before. And she might not want your help because she thinks your just giving her pity. So try and call her and tell her how much you miss her and that you would really like to stop by. And DO NOT help her at all. I think if she sees that you really wanna spend time with her not help her with everything she will want to spend more time with you again. I mean obviously help her if she asks but dont push help on her. Try to cheer her up and have a girls night or something.
    OliviasMommy614

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 12:47 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Usually its depression that makes them reject their loved ones. Its not you, just give her time to adjust to the situation. Are you making her feel helpless? May be you should find a way to ask nicely b/4 u help that will not make her feel like u are feeling sorry for her. Yes you need to go there even though she tells u not to. Deep down she doesn't mean it. All the best.
    sanab

    Answer by sanab at 1:11 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • You and her just need some getting used to the new situation. Make it a new friendship..start clean, and show her theres still a life that she has to live.!! Be there for her regardless.
    If i was in your shoes, not sure exactly what i would do, but id probably react like you at first, but then id try to be there too. Dont abandon her. She needs you right now .
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 3:27 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

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