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I dont know what to do.

me and my husband are both 18 and got married while i was 8mon prego. we recently bought a house and i work full time and he was working part time, a month ago he QUIT HIS JOB because he didnt wanna do it anymore. i begged him not to, but he wouldnt listen, we have bills, a house payment, a baby, car payments. He quit anyway. Now he asks me for money all the time to go out with his friends, and gets angry when i tell him no, he doesnt watch the baby during the day i take him to work with me. there has been times that he has threatened me/got violant but then apologizes & promises to fix it. when i kick him out he calls his mom&she calls me& asks me to give him another chance!! im scared if i leave him he'll hurt himself or someone else. i dont want my son to grow up & see his dad act this way and treat me this way. I do care about him. hes willing to go 2 marriage counceling, but all he's put me thru, how much more can i take?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Go to counseling as soon as you can schedule an appointment. It looks as though you have your life together other than with your husband. He should get a medical checkup if this behavior is different for him. He has been violent toward you, which says to me kick him out immediately. Don't listen to his mom, of course she wants him to be taken back. Don't do it. Kick him out with all of his belongings so that he will no longer be a drain on your resources or a threat to your and your child. Get the couseling since he is willing - if he doesn't show up, then that's it. But don't let him live with you anymore, Get the locks changed.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:11 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Wow, that is alot of responsablitly for someone so young. I can understand where he is coming from, he wants to be a teenage guy and have fun, while you want to be mom- homemaker. This is not bashing I see where you are coming from, counseling might be good, if not are you willing to walk away from him. He might not be completely ready for all this.Hell I know men in there 30s and 40s that are still not ready. This puts you in a tough spot, do everything you can, if it doesnt work out at least you know you did everything in your power to make it work... If you leave, DH will be fine. Dont let him control you with the what if's.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:13 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • you guys got married to soon and it's apparent he was not ready to carry this much responsibility at this age. i say if he wants to act single then let him be and live your life as best you can. too bad you bought a house but maybe you can get a renter to bring in some income. it can't be worse then supporting a dead beat dad. if he is not ready no amount of counseling will help. you married him now you accept him or leave him.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:18 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Take it one step at a time. His willingness to go to counseling is a good thing. Make a list of expectations (things you expect from him in the marriage). You can go over them during counseling but I'd be putting Get a Job at the top of the list! Oh btw, if it gets too rough don't let mom bully you into doing something you don't want to do. If she's like my adult dd dealing with her 18 yr old son she doesn't want him back so will bully you into taking him back just for that. The point is, it's all about you. Make decisions that are best for your family without undue influence of others who may have an alternative motive.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:25 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • You have every right to question if you should continue your relationship with him. Your words make me scared for your well being and your child. If your answer is "yes" to continue ~by all means seek marriage counseling as well as individual counseling. Abuse physical, mental and verbal abuse is not good for a healthy life. The abuse "mindset" is one that is generational - his Mom's actions need to focus making sure her son is not abuse to his family above all. Two suggestions are: to seek counseling for yourself and to keep a journal to keep track of your thoughts - it's helpful to see where you've been and as each day you become stronger.  I wish you luck in what ever you decide to do.  My prayers are with you.

    4ever_learning

    Answer by 4ever_learning at 2:19 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • if you guys really love eachother and wanna give ur relationship another try then def. go to marriage counsling. dont let it get worse.....good luck
    sexycris05

    Answer by sexycris05 at 3:42 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

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