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Help my husband says he loves me but does not want to be married any more

He told me Sunday that he is thinking of moving out as soon as he can afford it. However while we are still living together we are still having relations. I still love him and the separation/divorce is his idea. I realize our marriage is not perfect but I never thought about leaving him. He is not abusive or a drinker. He has just turned 38. Is this a mid-life crisis? I told him I am not mad at him because of how he feels, I figure he can't help how he feels. But I wonder is he just using me and/or I am just using him. We have been married over 12 years. He has talked to a couple of his friends that told him if he really felt it was over he needs to cut the ties. But he is still here. I am confused I dont want a divorce, but I am not sure if it is because I still love him or if I just don't want to be divorced due to the feelings of failure and worthlessness. Please give me some advise.

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lonelyandscared

Asked by lonelyandscared at 6:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Do you think he is seeing someone else?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • "He told me Sunday that he is thinking of moving out as soon as he can afford it" Ummmm tell his ass that if he wants out then he better figure out a way to get out now.Don't have sex with him and don't let him stay in your home if he wants a divorce. You need to let him know that if it's over he needs to pack his stuff and kick rocks and if he wants to work it out then to get over himself. He may be having some issues like you said but he can't take that out on you and he's obviously just using you if he's just having sex with you and living with you till he can afford to move out. Don't be his doormat, tell him to get the hell out or work it out girl. Good luck.
    peaches330

    Answer by peaches330 at 6:47 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Honey, not to sound rude but he's probably got someone else. My SO just did this to me out of nowhere.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • kick him out he's using you badly. he prob has someone else. if he wants to be with you, kick him out and let him see how much he misses you. but don't let him have sex with you when he says hes done witht his marriage
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • No, I dont think he is seeing anyone. He kisses me when he leaves in the morning and in the evening when he gets home. He tells me he loves me. The only problem with kicking his ass to the curb is that I need his paycheck to pay the rent. We have no savings or extra money. I guess that is the other reason I dont think he is cheating is because we have no money. He just got paid Thursday and he gave me is whole paycheck. Most woman on the side are going to want to go out and do stuff. LOL.
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 6:53 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I undestand the thought that he has someone else but, and maybe I am living with my head in the clouds but he is a one shot wonder and has been for a number of years. I dont think he could be with someone else and still want it when he gets home. My biggest problem is that I am scared to be alone. I worry about never finding anyone else and about dying alone. (pretty silly huh).
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 6:57 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • sweetie, if he wants to leave, let him go. obviously he doesnt love you or he wouldnt be putting you through this. you will be much better off without him. i know many man react different during mid life crisis but this sounds like he doent want to be 'tied down' anymore. in other words hes wanting someone or lots of others.sorry. if you need to talk im here. i watched this happen with my mom and dad.best of luck to ya!
    amanru8

    Answer by amanru8 at 6:58 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I really need to talk about it with someone. I am so confused and hurt. I am trying to let him go. I have told him to leave when ever he wants. or did you mean to get him out of my life now.
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 7:02 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • How do I know if he really wants to leave or if this is just a mid-life thing. I spoke with him about it today and he mentioned months of living together before he leaves. I am trying to improve myself even now before he leaves. And by that I mean building up my self confidence and losing weight. I am hoping these changes will either improve our marriage or help me when the time comes for a divorce.
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 7:07 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Sounds like maybe someone else might be in the picture, but he is unsure about how he feels completely about them.
    Ibelongtojesus

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 7:38 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

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