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Will we ever get over it

Last summer my 15 year old daughter and her sister and brother went to stay with her dad for a week I always tell them not to go walking alone. well, this day my 15 year old walked the dog by herself and he got away. a boy she had never seen brought the dog back and as she kept walking (through an empty lot hiding behind trees) he was following and when she turned around to ask why he knocked her to the ground and she hit her head very hard and the last thing she saw was a needle. When she woke up her pants and undies was around her ankles. she didnt tell anyone for a month then she finally told me. I took her to the health clinic and she had all kinds of tests and she had an infection and took med. Took her to the detective and they did lie detector test and she passed it 3 times . I cried and cried just thinking this guy couldve left her laying for dead. she refused counseling will we ever get over it

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • who... you and your daughter?
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • yes me and my daughter
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I feel not qualified to answer your question. That is a serious problem. I would suggest to push counseling. She is probably embarrased to talk about it to anyone.

    I am sorry this happened.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 8:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • You both will not get over it. But you can get stronger by talking to young girls about the dangers out there. Get involved in church groups. And I'm so sorry.
    Please tell her it is not her fault.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 8:58 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Gosh, mama, I am so sorry for your daughter and your family. Maybe you could try counciling to help you grieve and come up with ways to help her. I would also keep doing research and finding support groups or other counciling options. She may change her mind, but not want to talk about it to you. Try things like leaving names of websites out for her to see or numbers she can call. Something that doesn't require an immediate response from you, but she can pick up and think about or look into on her own and do in her own time. Again, I am so sorry for your family. Good luck to you all.
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 9:50 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I agree... you should get counseling - she might see that you are serious about needing support, and perhaps she will follow, or the couselor can give you advice on helping her.
    My heart goes out to you and her!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 10:46 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Read "Ashes for Beauty" by Joyce Meyer.
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 10:55 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • This is why I panick every summer when my SD goes to visit her BM for a week or two, she goes walking around the lake and paths around with one other girl much younger and it scares me so much!!!! Where was her father? Why was she allowed to go alone???

    On to your question. You two are going through two different things. You are going through the helplessness of someone having harmed your baby and she is going through the loss of memory of what happened, yet knowing that she was hurt/violated...

    If she doesn't want to go to counseling NOW I wouldn't PUSH it, that could make it worse, instead you should go alone to a counselor - and be open to talk to her when she wants to.

    I was raped when I was 11. I never told anyone until I was engaged to DH and even now only he knows. I blame my biomom for not caring if I went to boys houses w/o their parents home etc. for many years - eventually you just learn to look forward
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 4:16 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Yes. You will heal, and so will she. It may take a lot of time, and won't be a linear process. Sometimes it's one step forward, two steps back.
    She may not need counseling - it's not for everyone. However, she does need to be able to talk about it to someone - that may be you. She needs to be taught that was not her fault. We can be as careful as can be - but the evil caused by others isn't our fault.
    3gymnastsmom

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 4:51 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Don't get me wrong, it was horrible what happened, but at 15 a young adult is old enough to be out on their own. We have to teach our kids how to protect themselves. This can just as easily happen in your own backyard or you own home. She knew the kid, she trusted him. It was horrible for him to betray that trust. She will get over it, but it will be on her own time. She has to know that she is not at fault, her dad or siblings aren't at fault for letting her walk the dog. There are just idiots all over the world. I refuse to teach my kids to be afraid to walk out the door, I am not saying that bad things can't and won't happen but I won't live my life in fear. Get her help when she is ready, don't show that anyone is to blame, don't badger her, she will come around when she is ready to.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:29 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

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