Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My husband says his heart is telling him he still loves me but his head says the marriage is over.

Is my marriage really over or is he having a midlife crisis? How do I handle this? I have told him we can still be friends. I dont cook or clean for him anymore. When I try to talk to him about this he sounds confused.

Answer Question
 
lonelyandscared

Asked by lonelyandscared at 8:43 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Best thing to do is step back and let him get his head straight..... If they means seperating for awhile then so be it... If his heart tells him he still loves you, but his head tells him the marriage is over.... then ask him why his thinks that......
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:46 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • What has happend that cause him to feel this way?
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:48 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I dont know why he feels that way. He just had a birthday (38). I have asked why but he can't or won't answer. He still says "I love you" and kisses me. Actually, I had the same thought about the separation
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 8:54 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • soo nobody cheated or maybe you had a big fight about something... nothing happened to make you think this is maybe why he feels this way?
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:59 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • nope nothing. I dont have a clue.
    lonelyandscared

    Answer by lonelyandscared at 9:07 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • He very well could be mid lifing. My husband is 41 and just went thru it. He felt like the old guy, said he didnt know what he wanted even told me he was going to file for divorce. I stayed strong. I told him he really needed to decide and step back and se what he would loose. He was geting attention from other women, younger women and it helped him feel like he wasnt the old guy and that he still had it. It lasted about 4 months and really thought he was going to leave, but he has since gotten past it and decided home is where he truley wants to be and he is back being my husband, father provider and hes happy. Guys need to feel lke they can still be attractive, no clue why ego i guess. He will come around. You need to just go about your business, dont push and let him decide his fate. When he sees that you are letting him do his own thing, not bothering him or acting like its affecting you he will get scared
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 9:21 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Whatever the reason, don't become his doormat--you deserve respect also. Suggest counseling IF you can find a good counselor. Don't go "about life" as if your life is on hold while he gets his act together. That is just selfish. You need to find a good support person--be it a pastor, counselor, or whatever, get a game plan for your own life--and let him know that you love him, you want the marriage, but you will not be put on the shelf until he decides he wants you!!! After you have talked with your support person to get a clear view of things, suggest counseling together--if he grows further apart, tell him perhaps he needs to move out on his own BUT don't just be a wall flower waiting for him to join you again and make life better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I wonder if he's cheating. He might be trying to let you go without hurting your feelings.It doesnt make sense. People's heads usually say yes and they're heart says no. Wierd...
    ericadrian

    Answer by ericadrian at 4:37 AM on Mar. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN