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Would you judge a mom for her choice?

(This thought popped into my head while reading another posting) Someone had posted that if they had given birth to a handicapped child, that they would have put it up for adoption. They stated they didn't think they would be capable of raising a special needs child. Bashing ensued....I have my opinions....but,

My question is this...

Would you judge a mom who made the choice to give up a handicapped child? Why or why not?

And, Would it make a difference if the child was born that way, or if it developed/recieved the handicap later on?

I know this will be a sensitive subject, so PLEASE, lets try and debate respectfully. And also, DO NOT bash the children being discussed!!!


Asked by ozarkgirl3 at 9:13 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • I think if a parent knows that she will not be able to handle having a handicapped child the responsible thing to do would be to give them up. I think it would be better for the child to be taken care of properly by someone who can take care of them than to be treated poorly by a parent who knew she wouldnt be able to take care them.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 9:17 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • No. The reason I say that is it takes a strong person to admit they can't handle something like this and let someone who can handle it do so for the best interest of the child.

    Answer by ZaTa at 9:16 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I saw an adoption story the other day where a girl gave up her baby girl (not hanicapped) and I cried and cried and cried. B/c it hit me how hard it is for someone to give up a baby.

    She KNEW she was to young to provide for this child and made the decision based on her babies needs not her WANTS. She really touched my heart.

    So no, I would not, it seems selfish on the mothers part to some people. But really its selfless b/c they are thinking of their childs needs first.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I'd like to say I wouldn't but who am I kidding? I am human and as humans we all tend to be a little judgmental from time to time.

    I have to say I would think poorly of a mother who chose to give up her disabled child. It was her choice to create the child and she should accept it now matter what. The child did not ask to be conceived and certainly did not ask to be born with a disability, and they need their mother's love just as much as a "normal" child does. There are ways to make it work and the mother would owe it to the child to give it a chance.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 9:20 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • If I knew her personally, I think it would depend on her attitude about it. If I knew it was heart-breaking to her, I would admire her for having the strength to admit she cant handle it. If she had an attitude of "I only want perfect children" it would piss me off. Sad, either way.

    Answer by TanyaR1024 at 9:26 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • My sister n law had her baby at 6 months and she died soon after. He had to be on 100percent oxygen to survive and because of this he is completely blind. My brother knew there was no way he could raise this child and make sure he gets all the therapy he needs and make the dr. appointments and fight for his rights at school so he let my mother adopt him. If you cant give a special needs child the right care and you know it then give him up to someone who can,but if youre only doing it because of pride and to lazy and selfish than i think you are a self centered jerk

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 10:23 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • ditto tanyaR1024

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:24 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Life could be far worse w/ the birth mother. A reason why adoption is so successful. I can't judge until I've walked in someone's shoes.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:44 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • no! Honestly if they don't think they can handle raising a special needs child then it's probably best that the child is in safe able hands. Not everyone is able or willing to do that and why judge someone who made the choice not too.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 12:02 AM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • It is a difficult choice to relinquish a child for adoption. Sometimes love means knowing your limitations and doing what is best for the child.

    Answer by tiggermom803 at 1:21 AM on Mar. 21, 2009