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How do I tell my friend she is being unsafe?

My best friend is like a sister to me. Our children are only one month apart. Her lil one is 10 months old, mine is 9 months old. She is forever driving me insane by improperly installing the car-seat. She never tightens it, and lets the straps remain extremely loose. If they get into a car crash, the child will, without doubt, fly out of the seat. She also offers her child soda in a bottle. She will seat her child on the edge of a table instead of high chair because the baby will 'fuss'. That is fine, but she doesn't pay attention to her! Every time I see her, it is nerve-wrecking. I have tried to politely bring those topics up, and get her to see what she is doing is improper, without being judgemental. What else can I do to get her to see what she is doing is wrong without damaging the friendship, or sounding judgemental? Or should I just back off?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Her child's safety is at risk. It's time to be straight forward with her. Tell her what she is doing is unsafe and offer to help her learn better techniques.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 9:32 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I know I can and would tell my best friend anything i needed to. I once needed to tell her that her particularly bad attitude toward a man in our church was rubbing off on her 17 year old daughter and causing her to be kind of rude to him. It was hard to bring up, but I had to do it because we were friends and i care about her and daughter. You need to be straight forward with her and explain your concerns.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 9:37 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • I agree, just tell her. She'll be more upset if something happens to her daughter than if you hurt her feelings.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 9:44 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Write her a letter. That way, you are telling her, but she won't take anything in a wrong way.

    Answer by Maddape48854 at 10:14 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • When you are going together in a car say something like 'oops thats still loose' and tighten it for her or find out when there is a car seat safety check in your area and "accidentally" drive by it and stop "saying hey lets just check so we know the kids are safe".

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:21 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • You could be polite like goaliemom suggests but I think this kid is gonna get hurt. I would sit her down and cite several examples of your worries and tell her you're not trying to make her mad but that you're concerned especially w/ the car seat. Kid could die and what if you never said something and it came to fruition?

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:46 PM on Mar. 20, 2009

  • Be straight forward. A good friend and good MOM will listen instead of immediately taking it the wrong way.

    Answer by jus1jess at 1:18 AM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Be an example, when you see her sit on the edge of the table, pick the baby up and say " OH honey you could fall at any min". When you see the car seat loose, just casually say, "OH hey thats loose let me get that for you" and then fix it. She'll get it soon enough.
    Thats the non-confrentaional way, or you could just tell her.

    Answer by lstrickland at 12:16 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

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