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How do I stay sane during the older teenage years?

alright, I have a 20 year old that is regressing (not a good thing, she has an 17 mo old and here boyfriends in jail). I have a 17 year old that just got out of rehab 2 mo ago and keeps making poor choices and a 15 year old that is seeing an 18 year old who gave her a tatoo on each wrist one says love the other hate. I'm fed up! I just need to talk. I've been in therapy for months (no lie) and now I just want to talk to other frustrated parents or parents who've been there done that. For my sanity!

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Reen39

Asked by Reen39 at 11:09 PM on Mar. 20, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • i hate the love hate tattoos...
    pisces_chick89

    Answer by pisces_chick89 at 1:11 AM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I had to learn "Tough Love" with mine. It's called tough love because it's harder on you than it is on them.
    For your 20 year old - do not try to help her or support her. She's an adult and a parent now. It's the only way she is going to mature.
    For your 17 year old. Let him know that he has until his 18th birthday to get his act together. If he doesn't than it's time he is out on his own.
    For your 15 year old, my guess is there is a high probability that there is sex involved. In most states the 18 year old can be arrested for statutory rape.Tell her it's over or he goes to jail.
    I know it sounds harsh but I think the reason you are in therapy is because you have allowed your children to walk all over you. You need to take control back. Let them fall down and get back up on their own with no help from you. If you don't - this is only the begining of problems for both you and them.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 8:22 AM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • < agree with prttymstng
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 12:06 AM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Find a girlfriend who will come over and drink with you! LOL I have one that comes over every Sat. night. LOL It's rough hang in there !!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • BITE YOUR TONGUE REALLY HARD
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 8:07 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I have 3 girls, twins 17 two months from 18 and one that just turned 20. My oldest ended up on the streets and I seriously thought I had lost her when she was 15, she was stealing, running with an older man who was a felon and a drug dealer (in the state I lived at the time there was no law stopping runaways or underage vs over 18 relationships). I really thought thru all of this we/I wouldnt make it, This is the time you need to rally your family, ie parents, sisters, brothers, friends. Let them know that you need support not judgement on your parenting skills. Plan more one on one time with your younger one, not lecture time, just things like going out and grabbing bite, shopping together, going to a beach or park etc. There is light at the end of the tunnel, my oldest graduated, is now a full time college student, wanting to be a RN, and she is very active as a volunteer fire fighter. So hang in there
    DramaTamer

    Answer by DramaTamer at 12:48 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Tough love and take up wine drinking............really. Your oldest, make sure the grandbaby is taken care of, but dont go out of your way for your daugther. Remind him the minute he turns 18 he is out. While he is at your house, he lives by your rules or he goes back to where ever. The 15 year old, turn the 18 year old in for child abuse (yes she is still a child). Then tell her if she doesnt like life at your house........she can join her brother in juvinile hall. Honey your kids only do what you allow them to do.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:24 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • You will get through it. I did. I love my grown up kids in a way I couldn't even imagine 10 to 15 years ago. My kids are 26, 28, 30 and 31. They all are supporting themselves, working hard and are loving and respectful to both their dad and me. We all had some rough patches, but we made it. Remember when they were tiny and you would catch them doing something good and praise them for it? It still works. Don't tolerate disrespect under your own roof. Pray.
    Saralinda

    Answer by Saralinda at 5:21 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • You need to take back control. Your 20yo is an adult with a child. She needs to get out on her own, get a jjob, get an apartment and start being responsible. If you keep taking care of her she'll never learn that. Your 17yo obviously needs you by his side if he just got out of rehab and is a recovering addict. Encourage him to get a pt job, to finish high school or get his GED if he quit school and to at least go on to community college after high school/he gets his GED so that he has an education. With your 15yo, reign her in and stop that relationship ASAP or you will be having a grandchild by her soon enough if she's not careful. Any 18yo who defies the law by giving a minor a tattoo without parental permission and who is dating a 15yo in general is obviously bad news. At 18 he should be dating a girl closer to his own age. Take her to and from places, know where she is at all times and be aware.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • my oldest daughter drove me insane when she was a teenager. she drank ,did drugs,and hung out with the wrong crowd. if she wasnt home by her curfew id go looking for her. i didnt care if i embaressed her or not. her so called friends knew me. now shes married with two wonferful boysand a terrific husband. she even apologized for all the trouble she put me through. she also has a great job. be tough on your kids. let them know they can count on you .just love them but enable them. meet their friends. stay in their lives.you need to be there for your grandchild. your 17 yearold is just a kid herself. your her mom be strong and be tough.
    stressedoutgran

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 3:28 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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