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I know what I should do, but it's so hard...

I have a real problem. My husband has done things over the past couple of years that have made me very uncomfortable (mostly standing over my daughter watching her sleep). I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he just wanted to be near her or whatever, until my daughter, who is 13, started to express her discomfort and tell me he was "sick" and "wierd," because she had caught him looking at her. I finally confronted him, and he admitted that he had "looked" at her several times and that it was in a sexual context, but he says there was no touching. He says he doesn't know why he did it and that he has stopped. The obvious answer is to throw him out, which I did immediately. How do I keep my family together without feeling like I'm a bad mother and sacrificing my children? I have really been struggling with this, and I told him I didn't see how I could ever forgive him without hating me. No criticism, please!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Mar. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Did he go for counseling? If he hadn't said it was sexual in nature, that is that he had desire, then I'd have just said it was affection and curiosity. But he admits it. He should see a counselor, and possibly you should also. I really can't see letting him back into your lives, sad as it is, unless a mental health professional says otherwise.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I suggested a particular counselor to him who I know works almost exclusively with sex offenders. I definitely can't see letting him live in our house until we've all had individual and family counseling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I think you did the right thing with making him leave, if you feel uncomfartable with him and so do the kids you dont want him there! What he did is unexcusable, the kids should always come first and if I were you I would not only keep him out of your house but away from the kids period! And if he sees them it should be under supervision only!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • you did the right thing sweetie you acted fast and may have prevented your daughter becoming a victim of sexual assault, i don't know you but i'm so proud of you for doing that, don't feel even the tiniest bit guilty in my eyes you are the BEST mom ever

    Answer by dee778 at 5:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Throwing him out was the best thing you could have done. I think it was probably only a matter of time before he did try something. When I was little my mom and I lived with my grandparents and one of my uncles. My uncle molested me and when I finally told my mom she believed me but she didn't move away and my uncle wasn't made to move out. It continued for another year or so. I'm now pregnant with my first baby and luckily my mom has moved to another state from where my uncle lives, so I will be okay with my mom taking care of my child without me or my husband around, but if she were to ever move back, my kid would not stay with my mom without me being there. I just don't trust her not to leave my kid with him even for a minute.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

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