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please help

okay so my hubby has been freinds with this guy mike since they were kids, they now call each other brothers even though they are not blood, mike owes my husband 1900 dollars total but he's homeless refuses to work and lives off every one eles, he is not welcome in our home because of the drugs and his behavoir towards me, i have had to change my cell phone number many times because of his using it without permissoin and i get junkys calling my phone my husband wants to help him find the right track but i think he is pointless he doesnt even want to help himself hes 21 and cant keep a job for a week i offered to pay for rehab and find some halfway houses in our arrea and he declined when i offered him a job as a dish washer he siad im a pot grower not a dishwasher im at a point of 0 tolerance my husband is mad at him but doesnt want to ditch him but he has to go im sickof the drama and i want our lives back.what do i do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Mar. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Put your foot down. It is nice that he wants to help is friend, but he has to want to help himself first. If he can't grow up enough to see that then your hubby needs to tell him that he is going to stop all communication until he realizes what needs to be done. I hope that you find an answer or combo there of to help. Good luck.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 2:37 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • You need to explain to your husband that having this guy in your life could and most likely will damage your relationship, and your family. The friend needs to be cut out,but explain to your husband it doesn't have to permenant. If and when the friend is willing to accept he has a problem, and get some help, then you and your hubby can make baby steps at letting him back in and supporting his acceptance of responsibility. This way your hubby doesn't have to feel like he has to choose, but it still keeps your family. Expecially if you have drugies calling you, That can serious harm your whole family on a wide scale of levels. The best I have found to do this and aviod a fight let him believe it was his idea. good luck
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 2:52 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • As a former junkie myself, the best thing for your husband to do would be to cut him off. Right now Mike is being enabled by your husband--the borrowed money, the use of the phone, etc. Nothing will change Mike unless Mike is willing to accept that change. I had a friend tell me once that she could not be friends with me until I got my life back together. It hurt sooooo much at the time but once I got clean I realized she was right--junkies are life sucking leeches only in it for themselves. Only sobriety can change that. Good luck mama.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • i agree with anon from personal experience. when your on drugs it's like your have self entitlement meaning that we deserve this or not without having to work for anything, which causes stealing and beliefs that others are always wrong and you are right. not the case. nothing your husband does will hurt. maybe you should contact the intervention show on tv.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:33 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • i meant help not hurt.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:34 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • You've tried to help this guy but he doesn't want it. That isn't your fault and you tried your best even though you can't bare him. He sounds like a problem that your husband isn't going to come to terms with if he's his friend since they were kids. You need to tell your husband how you're getting stressed by this and ask your husband not to invite that man into your home. Why can't his parents try and help him? Won't he atleast think of what he's doing?
    DaffodilFae

    Answer by DaffodilFae at 5:00 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

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