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I am 59 yrs old. I have been in a marriage for 35 yrs and the last 22 there has been little sex, son of 22 stays in room all day and rarely comes out. Husband lies, travels, withholds love, financial problems because he lies. I am considering moving out and see what happens. Any thoughts.

We live in the country where there are few opportunities. I am always trying to work things out, ask questions, and he won't talk to me, gets angry about stupid things, lazy around house. My son I know is depressed and so am I. My family is non existent and they have been no help to me. Currently I am going to Domestic Violence support group. I feel that I am at my wits end and feel happier when my husband is gone for two weeks at a time because I don't have to deal with him. He is a loner and am sick of no friends, watching tv all the time and worry about my son. I am seriously thinking it is time to leave for a while and see what happens. I have to find a job and an apartment. I feel this is the only answer. We have gone to several counselors and nothing seems to help. What do you think.

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Hyacinth264

Asked by Hyacinth264 at 3:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • sounds like your minds made up... you don't need us to tell you its okay.... its up to you, not us... good luck!
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:48 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Why the domestic violence support group? Has he been hitting you?
    If he has, it could be the reason your son doesn't want to be around.

    In the case of abuse, I believe it is best for the mental and physical health of the "victim" to leave. Ask your son if he wants to move out with you, on the understanding he gets a job to help with the rent.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 3:50 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • As much as your mind is made up, I have to ask why this has gone on for so long. You are at a difficult stage in your life, meaning will you have support when you move out, insurance and such? Also will there be any retirement benefits for you or just your husband? You seriously have to think about these things before leaving at your age.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Umm divorce sounds good to me.
    Staying there is a lot more scary, trust me.

    You waited an awful long time to get the courage but now that you have it...use it!
    BonesDragonDew

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 3:57 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • It sounds like you've exhausted all chances of making things work. You are right to leave. It will probably be tough finding a job in this market but try to be open to anything (almost anyway).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I would pray about it first...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Will your son get an appartment with you? Sounds like it is time to move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • 35 years is a long time to be married, by any standard. I think your first priority would be to get your son into therapy and get him help. Let him know you are there for him but you are moving out for your own well being. Then perhaps your DH will go to therapy, If your DH doesn't want to get help then maybe you should get counseling alone.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 4:15 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • You go girl, make the next 22 years makeup for the last 22 years of sexless hell.
    SheriSanchez

    Answer by SheriSanchez at 4:17 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I am a mother one one and hes only two but my child always comes first and sorry to say but even in front of my husband. Thankfully I have a great one but if it ever came down to it, I would make sure my son is ok befor thanking of anyone else. Im only 23 so I dont know if my advice really counts but I love my child and Im sure you do to so maybe take the next step and get some help for both of you guys. Im not talking about seeing a shrink or anything but maybe moving to a new enviroment. Its very important that you talk to your son and ask if him what he thinks as well.I think its extremely important to have an open relationship with your kids. I really do wish you the best and you cant change people so if your husband just wants to act like everythings ok then I suggest you open up a new door for you and your son and get out of there.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 4:30 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

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