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father of child respects one over other part 3. sorry so long, plz help.

she never answers me calls to come visit so i can try to get them closer. Now that the mother of troi has custody again, she has marks mother watch him everyday for free. and i asked if she could watch him 4 hours for one day a week while i attend college, and she said no, she cant handle that. It makes me said because they all have told me that they are going to make sure troi has the best life possible becuase his parents werent there for him and stuff.. well micah has the same parent troi does, and micah needs family too. my son has just enough stuff to get by and this boy has everything.. I can provide for my child, I'm 19 and have a college degree, i will spend every dime on him.. but I want him to have family and they brag and brag over troi, but when i birng up micah he will change the subject. he just doesnt even care to see him. HE has a picture of troi on his cellphone wallpaper.. ugh what do i do. plz help me.


Asked by MickeysMom19 at 11:10 PM on Mar. 21, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (23)
  • I think the best thing to do is break it off with him. I would still allow him to be in your sons life.. but you are about to finish college and make a good life for you and your son. I think it's time to look for a man that will respect all that you have over come. I know you went through a lot with step dads, etc. But there are some really good guys out there. I know my cousin found one.. she's 23 years old and just got married over the summer. She had a son when she was 16, and he was mixed so it was even harder for her to find a man that could respect that her son was colored. But she found her hubby and when they married, he adopted her son, and treats himjust like his own. There are good men out there.. it's just a matter of finding them. Staying with your sons father... he won't change, I've been there, and they dont' change. The best thing to do is find the man that will give you all that you need, pm me anytime.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:22 AM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Why are you telling us this? Tell him how he's making you feel.

    Answer by mamaada at 11:12 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I have been waiting until you were done to respond.

    Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry you are going through this. He is having sex with you because he wants to get laid. I would cut off all contact with him and serve him with child support papers. Get full legal and physical custody of the kid and cut them out of your life. They don't deserve you or your baby. Do you have family? I would turn to them for help and tell all these people to go to hell. You do have a right to child support, but you cannot force him to be in Micah's life and it will be damaging to him to have his father in and out, more so that if he is just gone.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I know it sounds crappy but you cant force them to love your son, even if it is his son too. I think you need to forget about them and focus on your son. I wouldn't date a man who didnt love my son, even if it werent he still has to love my son. I certainly wouldnt date someone who doesnt love HIS son. You and your son deserve better than that. If they dont want to have a relationship with him there is nothing you can do about it.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 11:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I have tried. I have tried telling his parents.. they are all in the f*kn dark and i just dont knwo what to say anymore because they sound like ignorant idiots when they answer me. they just want to forget that he exists.. i feel like micah is his stepchild and its dsomething he just has to hear about..

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 11:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Hate to say it but move on. They don't want him so they don't deserve him. I know how hard it is to want something for your child that you can't make be. Micah will be happier in the long run being around people that love and want him. He'll grow up resenting his brother and his dad once he sees that he's playing favorites.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Yeah, I have explained it to them that they either be ther eor im gone, and they said they do love him and that its my job to bring him around more and i try to, but he just seems like he would rather not cvome see him.. and yes, getting laid, i understand. he is 24, i am 19. I have a college degree, he has 3 owi's. Our relationship was bad.. abusive.. unfaithful.. but it has gotten way better.. and i can say that with an open mind. He is way more loving and respectiful towardsme. if i ask for money he will give it to me.. unlike before.. he says he loevs him but little things like,
    troi was running around and micah was wanting to play with his maqueen toy.. troi took it away from him and every time micah would chase after him and get it back, troi would take it again.. and mark just thought it was soo funny, he even videotaped it.. he just thoiught it was so funny, how if micah was taking it from troi, would it be different

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 11:18 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • he does mention micah in the future like when we "get married" yeah right.. but if he does mention him he also mentions troi also.

    Answer by MickeysMom19 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Well, you cannot expect him to choose Micah over Troi either. He has to love them equally and treat them the same. Unfortunately, he is not going to do it and you cannot make him. The other thing to consider is that if you guys were to get married, you would be a stepmother to Troi, and you would have to treat them equally too. But do you really want to marry him knowing that he does not truly want to be a father to your children? He does not want this. Stop sleeping with him, and see how long he stays around. Do you think that if he was cheating on his ex with you, he won't cheat on you? Do you think that he will never be abusive again? I am guessing that you don't have a court order for child support? Is he maybe giving just enough to keep you from getting fed up and not going after him for support and dumping his ass out on the street? He is not a nice guy.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:24 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Do you really want him to be the example for manhood that your son sees? What kind of man do you want your son to be? That is the kind of man you need to marry, and you need to have in your son's life. Really really think about what you are asking for here. Do you really want him in your son's life as a role model and father? Or do you just want him to be equal to Troi so that you don't feel slighted? I would never ever let a man like this set an example for my children. If my son's father was this way, he would have to drag me into court for every second he ever spent with my kid because I would do anything to keep a guy like this away from my children. Your job is to raise your son to be a real man, and to protect him from the scum that would corrupt him.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:27 PM on Mar. 21, 2009