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Don't want to be unhappy in marriage anymore...what do I do?

I'm 39 and I've been married for 14 years. I have 3 children, ages 6, 4 and 18 months. For all these years of marriage I've been hoping, praying, asking, begging, screaming, crying and pleading for my husband to be more emotionally connected to me. He's very controlling and sometimes emotionay abusive. The problem is that it happens in phases. He can be the most sweet, funny and caring husband and father at times and then he's mad and withdrawn again. I've lived on an emotional roller coaster for 14 years and I want to get off.

I look back over my life and I have deep wounds of hurt from him. He wasn't there for me during the most difficult times in my life. For all three of my births, he wasn't there for me emotionally or physically. When I'm sick or stressed he says it's my problem. If he hurts me and I tell him he doesn't apologize or he acts like I'm over reacting. Do I leave or hold out hope for change?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Mar. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Uhhhhh probably not. But you have waited this long. I would say if he won't go thru counseling, and you feel this strongly about it, leave him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • You leave because he is abusive. You deserve to be happy and your kids deserve a happy mother.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Seems that he's set in his ways therefore he won't change. You deserve to be happy! Have you thought about seeing a therapist?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • Have yall tried counseling? Well to be honest, 14yrs I would pack up my kids and go. I wouldnt put up the emotional abuse anymore. My ex did that to me for 4 yrs and I packed up and left. 3yrs into our relationship he hit me on several occasion and I had to get out, got out right after our 4th anniversary. I say leave thats just me though.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • I've gone to counseling & we both went too. The counselor confirmed for me that he was being emotionally abusive. I don't know why I've been taking it for all these years. I don't understand.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Mar. 21, 2009

  • he's not going to change. Accept it or not. Only you know what you can endure.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:04 AM on Mar. 22, 2009

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