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Was your Bio father nothing more than a sperm donor?

Mine was. He and my mom got married when she was a senior and he left for the service but when he was around he beat her(while she was carrying me) and cheated. Eventually she left him and he went to prison. When she remarried and my dad tried to adopt me when I was 8, I wasn't important enough to my bio sperm donor to stick with the procedings and fight for. :( Even now, when I reconnected with my his parents(my grandparents) he's been nothing like a father. He never sends bday cards or cards for my kids, never calls. I really really hate him. He has a son that is a couple years younger than me(conciveved when he was still with my mom) that also hates him. And now he's remarried and is a great dad to two little girls that are my kids ages. I'm just sick that my brother and I were never"go enough" for him. I hate hate hate him. I just don't understand how a parent can ever turn their back on their child.


Asked by munch12502 at 12:31 PM on Mar. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (47)
  • Munch12502

    I have learned that i am the person i am today because of the way my life has panned out. I don't know who i would be or where would have ended up if my birth father had stayed in my life. I may have not ever met my wonderful husband and had this amazing child if things had gone differently.

    I look at My birth father as a person who missed out on me and my wonderful brothers and sisters. It was his loss and i can't continue to dwell on what could have been.

    I just learn from my experiences and hope to give my son the best i can, what i didnt have; and shield him from the pain i endured.

    Let go and let God!

    Answer by Jordanlover05 at 1:58 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • My step dad adopted me when I was 8 and has been an awesome father. My kids don't know any thing yet and I'm dreading telling them why they have 3 sets of great grandparents but only 2 grandparents. That song "The dad he didn't have to be" always makes me cry.

    Answer by munch12502 at 12:32 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Gosh no. My father was the best dad in the whole world. In fact when I was dating, it was so awful because no one compared to my dad. I knew I wanted someone as great as he was.

    My girls' father wasn't either. He is a wonderful father and now is enjoying his grandkids as well.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:33 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • I have a sperm donor too. He was abusive to my mother and us. I watched him be abusive to his new wife and her  kids. He would even fondle her kids it front of her and she did nothing. She is still with him today.

    I also had the pleasure of watching my sperm donor wanting to see my brother and not me. I also watched him come visit my aunt and uncle who had a house behind ours (two house on one lot) he would walk by my house and go to their house and then leave. I tried to reconnect years ago and realized it was a big mistake and I was better off without him in my life and my children.


    Answer by Christine0813 at 12:37 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Well, I hate to argue with m-avi, but MY dad is the best dad in the world.

    And munch, you know better. It's not that you and your brother weren't good enough, it's that your bio-dad wasn't a good enough father. He didn't deserve you, but your DAD (why call him stepdad when he adopted you, unless just for clarity here?) did deserve you completely.

    Don't worry about your kids. It won't even occur to them. They'll just know who loves them, not that one grandparent is missing (cuz presumably they won't even know about him much at a distant uncle nobody thinks about).

    Answer by Avarah at 12:38 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Pretty much. He "lived" with us until I was 15 but he was never around. Why come home when you can stay at the bar all night? If he was home we was drunk. He did pay the bills but that was about it. I guess as far as money goes he was around and we always had nice things but emotionally and physically he wasn't there. After he moved out I didnt talk to him for about 8 years. We only started talking again because I had my son and he wanted to be part of his life. He sees my son once every month or two, he isnt allowed to be with him alone, and he has to be sober. It's a one strike kind of deal, don't screw it up or thats the end of it.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:40 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • My dad was an alcoholic. My mom left him when I was three months old and I saw him one time when I was fifteen. He told me how my mother F#$% me up and he couldn't handle me. I didn't see him again for fourteen years. I had all kinds of emotional issues because of it. He has been clean for two years now and is very ill. I recently got on a plane with my new baby to make peace with him. I told him how his actions hurt me. Then I realized, he was so drunk when he did what he did,he didn't remember much. When he left me when I was fifteen he cried and said he was sorry, when I left him last month he said thank you.

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:41 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Avarah: I call his step dad ONLY for clarification on here. :) I would never strip him of the title he earned...but I thought it would be confusing in my post if I was referring to two separate people with the same "Name". Also IRL, my sperm donor does not ever get the privilege of being called dad.

    But knowing the answers and feeling the answers is so much harder. I KNOW it's all on him...but in my heart, I can't help but cry for the situation I was thrust in to. I'm better off without him, but wish that he didn't agree with know?!?

    Answer by munch12502 at 12:42 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • I realize that I'm sitting here trying to convince myself how much I hate him....saying it over and over, and then I'm crying. I'm a grown woman, and this is something that harbors so much hurt in my heart. I hope that people who are not in this situation can read this and realize how much their actions can hurt other people, especially their children. I hate him...and he doesn't even care. What kind of satisfaction is that
    ?!? He's happy as a clam after all the hurt he spread, that doesn't go away. He's got a new family, with new little children and a new wife and he just left a wake of hurt people in his past. Where's the justice in that?

    *Disclaimer* I'm emotional about this today. Obviously. LOL I don't know why TODAY this flared up. But now I opened my flood gates and I'm vulnerable to all the emotions that come along. Sorry.

    Answer by munch12502 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • I share and shared many of your feelings. My dad started another family too. I was sad about that. I actually am close to his girls, because they are angry at him for leaving me. I used to feel like I wouldn't go to his funeral if he died. I just had my last child this year and some feelings started coming up that weren't getting pushed back down. I really needed to do it. I had to forgive him to get through some issues and feelings I had to deal with my entire life. I can't tell you how good it felt, even though it was something I swore I could never do. If you ever need to talk, pm me!

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:49 PM on Mar. 22, 2009