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Son buying a "promise" ring for his insane girlfriend!

My son is 18, gf is turning 17 soon. They have a very volitile relationship...fight a lot, lots of hurt feelings, break up all the time...she is very verbally abusive to him (calls him names etc) She' s also been rude to some of our family members. I really don't care for her at all. Now he is going to buy this girl a "promise" ring! They are both still in high school, he has parttime job (using money from that to buy ring) I totally financially support him (my ex hasnt being paying child support for sometime now) I just dont know what to say to him now! She knows I dont care for her so she stays away from me, but I am tempted to sit them both down & have a talk about how I do not think this is a good idea. Should I do that? or Should I just let it alone & cross my fingers & pray this stupid relationship burns itself out? Also he is refusing to move with the family this summer when we move. Wants to stay here by her!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Mar. 22, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • CONT things about you all the time. I told her to start being nice to my family or I'd break up with her. She said "You wouldn't leave me for them. I'm the only good thing in your life" So my brother said "ok we are done" and WALKED 9 MILES home bc she had picked him up and he wasn't 'allowed' to have a cell phone when with her bc she wanted to have the 'power' over him. So in summary::

    Just be nice and see what happens. The more you disapprove the more he will find it exciting to be with her. Good Luck I know the trials of having someone date 'the psycho chick'
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 10:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • i would be joyous your son has chosen abstinence and loves her to do so! but if it is meant to be it will happen and you wont be able to do a thing about it... if not your son will respect your thoughts later if you discuss them with him!! his decision not yours and gods will not his
    tiffandgene2009

    Answer by tiffandgene2009 at 9:07 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Maybe instead of talking to them about why it is a bad thing right now, talk to them about how to make sure it is a good thing. Talk to your son about what he wants in a wife. have him make a list of what he thinks would be good qualities in a wife . When he is done with that, talk about the qualities of his gf.

    Talk to him about the importance of being/talking respectfully to everyone.

    talk to both of them about what things they want for each other in 5 yrs and for themselves in 5 yrs. It is a wise thing to sit down and talk with your child and their girl/boy friends about relationships, futures, etc.

    Would your son stay there having to support himself?
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 9:11 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • OP here: To clarify this "promise" ring has nothing to do with abstinence. I know they are having sex. This is a "promise" like going steady or whatever they call it now. Its just one step below buying an engagement ring! (also little more info: way back in grade 9 before they dated she was dating someone & got pregnant. never had a baby so I assume she had a miscarriage. he is claiming she is now on birthcontrol now. he told me all this btw)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • A thought apromise ring was just a ring that promises to get engaged. like a Pre-engagement ring. didn't realize it was an Abstinence ring. guess I'm behind on these things. how sad- and I have boys that are 'teens'
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 9:14 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Kiter: If he stays here he says he can "stay with people" which I do NOT think is a good idea...to just randomly stay here & there. We arent moving far (just about 20 min away...but out of this school district) I told him I would not mind if he lived with his grandparents (they live close to here but he does not want to do that...they do not approve of this girl either...grandma called me all upset last week because he wanted to bring her by their house & she did not want her there)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Anon,I am glad you clarified that promise ring meaning,it is simply a promise to eventually get married.That's all it means.
    Val504

    Answer by Val504 at 9:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • have you talked to the girl's parents?
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 9:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Kiter: My younger daughter told me that son confided to her that he wants to marry this girl...so should have seen it coming but still...they broke up a few weeks ago & just got back together few days ago. Now, today this whole ring business! And I suspect drug usage as well with both of them...recent development on my son's part anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • but have you talked to her parents for their take on it?

    and I do think it is wise to sit down with your son and just talke about 'future plans' in general. education, jobs, insurance, bills, taxes, family, etc.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 9:22 PM on Mar. 22, 2009