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how to tell a mother-in-law she cant watch ur baby?

i juz need a way to tell my mother-n-law she cant take my baby places.........i kno that sounds mean, but she drinks thru-out the day, and she never even comes to see her.....i always invite her, but theres always a reason y she cant come..."oh its my birthday, i dont kno"...."i dont really feel good" bla bla i juz cant bare 4 her to watch my baby or nething, my baby acts lik shes a stranger ne way......so i need a way to tell her she cant watch her...without really saying "u cant watch her"???????????????????????????????????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Mar. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Has she asked to watch her? Silly question but if she's not comming to visit....logical question.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 11:00 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Unless your mother in law lives nearby, I'd tell her you love to have your child with you at all times, and don't need help.
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:01 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • Get a backbone, or tell your husband to. This is a matter of defending the life of an innocent child. You need to tell her that as long as she drinks, she will never ever be left alone with your son. Once she has successfully completed a program and is attending AA meetings, then she can visit. Once she is two years sober, you guys can renegotiate her taking him places. Drunks are dangerous the the health and well being of your family. It is your huband's job to stand up to her and if he won't be a man and do it, then you need to. Do you really think it's more important to be nice than to keep your child safe?

    I know this sounds harsh, and I don't really want it to, but there is really no nice way of saying it. Because it's a matter of your child's safety and I CARE!!!!!
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 11:02 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • We had/have this problem. We live with my parents now but before my parents would watch our son ALL the time. My mom would call and say "It's grandmas time" and come get him. And we loved it. However my MIL would throw hissy fits how she never sees him (same situation as you: drinks all day and night, always finds excuses not to come by etc. and also to top it off has a druggy bf who is, i feel, to 'friendly' w our son) We tried all the 'nice ways' but finally my DH said "Ok here's the deal. You can watch him when you have come by to see him for visits at least 3 times in 1 month, are completly 100% sober, and are not with your BF" Her response was "well then foret it I'm his grandma and shouldn't have to follow 'rules' to see him" I think it really hit her though when I told my son "grandmas coming" and when she showed up he SCREAMED and cried when I told him she was gma He said NO NO MOMMY NO AHMA!
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 11:09 PM on Mar. 22, 2009

  • I'd just tel her straight up "Look I don't trust you and you gotta shape up" She knows what she's doing is wrong I promise you. She will understand.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 12:30 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I agree with the others that you need to tell her that you don't trust her with him as long as she has a drinking problem. I had this problem with my aunt, and even offered to pay for her to go to rehab; she just wouldn't admit she had a problem. But, now she never calls us anymore either, I guess she got the point. Your MIL just needs to decide if the grandbaby or her booze is the priority. It is harsh, but it is not something that is your fault, she is responsible for her own actions.
    Rainbowbrite639

    Answer by Rainbowbrite639 at 12:47 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • i know what you mean. i cant say i know exactly because i dont have that problem. but if i did, i would just let her know that your baby is having bad separation anxiety and dont want to be away from her. talk to your husband. if shes had this problem for a while im sure it has come up in conversation somewhere sometime with someone. since she is HIS mother, HE should let her know that you two are uncomfortable with the fact that her b/f uses drugs (for number one) and number two, you guys dont feel it is safe for her to be around alcohol. maybe try even saying shes allergic to it, and even the smell can set off a reaction. babies develop allergies all the time.. she cant really say your lying unless she drinks around her. =[ sorry you're going through this and i hope i helped at least a little =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 12:58 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • My MIL also has a drinking problem and isn't always able to drive but demands that we come and see her (I think this is what the OP was trying to say is her situation too?). We've tried taking our son over to her house but she's usually drunk and displaying all of the obnoxious behaviors that go along with being drunk. That is NOT an OK atmosphere for a baby. Sweetheart, listen to me. My MIL is in denial about herself, easily offended and EXPLOSIVE...HOWEVER, you CANNOT put her feelings before the safety of your baby. Your DH needs to talk to her, she will never take things from you the same way she will from her own son. You cannot dance around the situation without her eventually figuring out what is going on so you might as well just tell her. We wrote a letter to my MIL. Here are tips on writing an intervention-style letter: http://www.lovefirst.net/xarticles/article4.htm good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

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