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MIL Talks Smack Behind Your Back?

How do you let your MIL know that you KNOW she talks smack about you behind your back.....without getting the person she told into trouble? My MIL is continually nice to our faces and then turns around and trashes us to other family members. I believe these family members when they tell us this because they wouldn't know the information otherwise unless she relayed it to them. I'm sick of it. I want to call her out on every last thing she's said but if I do, it will just cause problems for the people that were nice enough to let us know she was spreading our business around. My DH and I have no idea how to handle his mom.



Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • my mil does it allll the time but my dh is a "mommas boy" i just let it go... kill her with kindness, let her feel like the ass...

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 1:51 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • ok he should handle his mom and if that doesn't work then u talk to her. my MIL told me how she feels about me finally and i basically told her i don't care what she thinks because she doesn't even know me.

    Answer by mrsary at 1:51 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • well my MIL dont do that (or so I hope not) but my own mother does and I told her up front to leave me alone and not be a part of my life no more and she didnt really say sorry but worked her magical ways back in to our life and has not talked smack again to any family members in fact all i hear is good stuff now

    Answer by josalin at 1:52 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • My SIL is just one of the people who have told me the crap my MIL has said. How do I confront my MIL about the things she's said without getting my SIL in trouble with her mom? She tells people stuff on a "if I tell you this, don't tell them I said it" basis.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Yep what juliansmommy said:)

    My MIL talks smack about me too! It's been 6 years now and nobody even listens to her anymore, because they are so tired of hearing it! Don't worry karma sucks, she'll get hers:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • If you SIL feels guilty & needs to tell you about the things being said, maybe she can help you out by saying "this isn't really nice or fair to you & hubby and that she doesn't want to hear any more gossip." If not, tell her off.

    Answer by RugersMommy06 at 7:10 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I have had the same problem, but instead of hearing it I read it on a web site like this one. I printed out the questions that she had asked and the comments that she said and confronted her with it. You need to be strong and let her know that you are not going anywhere so she needs to start respecting you and her son.

    Answer by mandic at 7:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • My MIL talks trash behind my back. I just informed her son that she is not allowed at my house. He can take our kids there or she can see them at church but, I don't want her to call me or come to my house. NTM, she doesn't like her grandkids either.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:34 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I don't think the people who told you are your friends, either. They have to know that by telling you, they are potentially stirring up trouble in your family. The only way you could possibly handle this would be to take the tellers with you and have a sit-down with your in-laws and clear the air. At that time, you could say that if anybody has anything to say in the future, this is the way it is to be handled. Otherwise, you don't want anybody telling you anything. Any time there is snitching behind the back, you are dealing with snakes. So you either accept that you are living among snakes or you pull the snakes out from under their logs. You will not change them. You can only change how you react to what they are doing. At the very least, I would tell the snitchers that I did not want to hear any more of their gossip.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:12 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • It would be so awesome if you and all your family members who have heard her trash you get together invite her over and confront her. Im sure the family members are chicken and wouldnt do it though. Next you got to wonder why those people would even tell you what she said if they truly didnt want to cause trouble. I dont think it was pure niceness, being nice would have been telling your mil Im sorry but I really like her so please dont talk negativly about her in front of me then dropping it. If it were me I would invite her to lunch or over and simply say I have heard you dont like me very much. You dont have to use names. Also so what if it causes problems. This should be addressed.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:27 AM on Mar. 23, 2009