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How do you get through the tough parts of that first year?

I've been married since May, and that honeymoon stage is finally wearing off. We've never fought before the last two months or so. We're now getting into little fights all the time. It's not like we're even considering splitting up, neither of us agrees with divorce (except for cheating/ abuse) but it seems like I'm the only one that's trying. He's just so damn stubborn! I just don't know how to get past the little fights all the time. I like to talk about every little thing and he doesn't like talking about anything. I know marriage is an adjustment.. but is there anything that helps with that adjustment..?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • What a great question! Every married woman and man goes through this. I have been married to my best friend for 5 years now but sister let me tell you there were days I would rather curse him out than say good morning. 1st thing acknowledge that you both are feeling the same way. He could not be happy right now either. 2nd remember what is the goal. You want to be together through the long haul and this is the road. 3rd Know this is normal breaking up at this point would be premature. 4th love each other when he says something that pisses you off or hurts you remember you love this man. Instead of getting mad (I know way easier said than done) respond saying “this made me feel this way” “or that hurts me when you” understand that anger is a second emotion we ALWAYS feel something directly prior to getting angry try to identify that emotion.
    Sarahedger

    Answer by Sarahedger at 8:34 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • oh how i am in the same boat...i feel your pain hun. Everything is a work in progress for me and everything is is nothing to him. I think the best thing to do is realize we are women and way more intuned with our feelings and they arent....just forget about it if you can and move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • The best advice I can give you is in order to keep from fighting, you may have to bite your tongue. Hard to do once we get to know him a little better and some of his little habits annoy us Now that you're out of that "peaches and cream" honeymoon stage.Just think before you speak, and think back on those sweet honeymoon days when you overlooked so much, and it seemed like you two were the only two people in the world. If all else fails, go shopping, or visit one of your friends or relatives fofr a few hours. Maybe you just need a little space and time to yourself for awhile(?).
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 3:48 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Try to get away from talking about every little thing. Lol, get a girlfriend for that. The more they hear us talk, the more they can't figure out whats important!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • If you know he's not wanting to talk about things I'd work on that. Men get annoyed when they tell us something and we don't listen. Read the book Men are From Mars and Women from Venus. It really is a helpful book.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:50 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • 5th tell him (not in the heat of the moment) what you need in order to feel happy or loved. Open up to him and he will open up to you 6th do not have an imagine of what is a perfect marriage just live everyday loving and supporting each other. And as they say while dieting when you fall off the wagon don’t hang yourself just try again. It is about partnership not perfection. 7th lastly forgive. Forgive, and try not to hold grudges these small things are in every marriage you just need a game plan! Good luck to you both!
    Sarahedger

    Answer by Sarahedger at 8:38 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Some things are just not worth fighting about. Also, remember that your husband is not your best girlfriend. Most men do not like to "talk" about every little thing. They don't have the vocabulary for it, and they don't have the emotional make-up to "feel" what you are feeling. The sooner you accept the fact that men and women are very different and do not relate to each other in the same ways, the smoother things will go for you. When you absolutely have to, speak up and say what you are feeling. Then be prepared to accept the fact that there will most likely be no response. That's a man. If you need to talk about it further, tell your girlfriend.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Ive been hearing that movie FIREPROOF will help with anyones marraige (there is also a book that goes with it).
    Also I recommend all couples reading the 5 languages of love..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 9:07 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I loved the Fireproof movie and I agree, I haven't read the book yet, but the things they do mention in the books would definetely be helpful to even happy couples to keep them happy.
    Men don't like talking about everything.. it's not who they are or who they want to be. They focus on the important things (well what's important to them) and all of the free flowing thoughts that enter your mind mean nothing to them, someone else said share that stuff with your female friends.. they'll get it and care where he doesn't. Choose your battles (with kids and friends too) and by the time you've thought it thru, chances are you aren't upset anymore so save the fighting for the big stuff. If it's fighting about things around the house that need to be done, make a list and decide who does what so there's no room for arguement and it's all fair. Childcare, list both reasons and decide together. Communicate! That's the key to happiness
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:43 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

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