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My husband and 14 year old son were fighting out in the yard before school this morning....

My 14 year old thinks he is the man of the house and keeps challenging his dad saying hes gonna break his jaw and very disrespectful stuff. I do not hit my kids and never have, a little swat on the butt or hand maybe, but his dad was raised very strict, catholic and with a belt. I can not stand violence in my home. I dont know what to do. I wont give up on my child. His father says j oh well I'm done let him learn how mean the world really is out there. Please help. I really want to get amnesia and forget im a mom for a while.

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DIANE463

Asked by DIANE463 at 9:53 AM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • (((HUGS)))) I think maybe some parenting classes would be a good thing. Not because you are bad parents but to give you more idea's and better options for dealing with a defiant teenager.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • god it has to be the age i am having the same problem with my son i know how you feel soory i dont have the answer i feel for you hon
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 9:56 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Your son needs to be humbled in some way shape or form. There is no need to yell, or fight. Take away something that he really enjoys, don't say anything about it, or fight about it. Just let him know he'll get it back when he can learn the house rules. Obviously this should be something he can live without, like video games. It worked for my defiant Nephew. But he was so hooked on video games he would have done ANYTHIN. Leverage can work w/ a teen as long as your not rude, or yell. Then they will do the same.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:59 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I agree with the no violence in the home, but my mom is the same way with my brother and wont let my dad discipline at all, and now my brother is 22, and one of the most disrespectful people I know. How could you let your son say that to your husband and not let your husband disciplin him. There is a time that a father has to law down the law, my husband and I have talkeds baout that when our boys get to big for their britches and someone has to show him who is boss. Do you want it to be your husband who loves him and wont go overboard? Or some other guy that yur son thinks he can stand up to because he never gets in trouble for it at home? I think now may be the time you need to strep back and let your husband be a dad, with limitations of corse, you dont want anyone hurt, but it is his right to make sure his son becomes a man and respects authority. It will be best for him in the end too, no mater how much it hurts now
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 9:59 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • My son has not *yet* challenged his dad, but my brother and step brothers all challenged Dad and DH and his brothers all challenged FIL, so I think it is a "normal" right of passage type thing that is not to say it is ok, just something most boys go through. I would try to get them to sit down and all talk about it when everyone is calm. I would also not get in the middle of it unless there is a physical danger to one of them, they have to work this out and if you get into it one of them is going to accuse you of taking sides.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:00 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • oh samurai lol do you have a fourteen year old son? i have taken everything of his he has been grounded for like three months nothing works i have discussed counseling with him he says if i make him go to counseling he'll run away and he would
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 10:02 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • This is what I dont understand. I ve been through the counseling, the medications, the classes and I dont really have a problem dealing with him. He listens to me, as soon as my husband and son see each other its like they're playing my balls are bigger than your balls type of fighting. It all came to a head today and they attacked each other. His dad was recently gone for two weeks and myhouse was blissful. No fighting, cussing. He followed the rules and when he broke them he was grounded. And accepted his punishment. Its 10 am and im exhausted!
    DIANE463

    Answer by DIANE463 at 10:05 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I remember how horrible my brother and I were as teens.....and my mum is my best friend now. Good luck!! I am not looking forward to these times LOL Hope all the above advice helps you.
    MissHeidi0304

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 10:08 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Kids are smart, do you ever undermind his dad where he knows about it? You are a female, dad is top dog and your son is getting to the age he thinks he should be, of corse he is going to buck up to his dad. But it is dad's place to knock him down again, do you really expect him to cower to your son so to speak and let him treat him that way? Dad is fightin for his rightful place as head of house hold, a place your son has no reason to be yet, and needs to respect his dad. Back up your husband let your son know that you dont like the fact that they faught, but ask him if he could have contributed to it at tll and what can he do differently and that its not okay to talk to his dad that way. He is a kid and your husband is trying to preserve that.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 10:17 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I am having the same situation with my daughter and her dad. She is very disrespectful at times, but he needs to slow down also he is the adult and there is better ways of handling it. You don't argue with them, they are the children you just take things and activities away.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:37 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

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