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considering divorce

I am 26 yrs old expecting one child and have a 2 yr old daughter. I am married to a great guy but I just don't love him. I got married (will be 4yrs in Nov) feeling this way and just told myself it was cold feet. I've constantly been making excuses for my feelings like I'm just hormonal, I'm just lonely because he works a lot, etc... However, the feelings just keep returning. I've been thinking of getting a divorce for over a year then I got pregnant. At first I thought things would be better but I know I won't feel differently towards him. I'm just so lost right now and unhappy. I don't want to be selfish and do something that is just for me but I don't want to live a lie. Any suggestions would be great. We have been to a counselor but he doesn't really believe in that kind of thing he would rather work on things by ourselves. This was a year ago, he thinks things are fine now.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I would talk with him and let him know that you are thinking of leaving and that counseling is a last resort. Maybe that will change his mind about counseling. If not, then look deep within yourself and decide what is best. You must think of your children, but also yourself. A happy mom equals happy kids. GL!
    kboney29

    Answer by kboney29 at 10:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I am also married to an awesome guy, who has done nothing but be an awesome husband and father and yet I still can't find a way to desire him the way I want to. I won't get a divorce because I have children with him and like I said he's a wonderful husband. I just bury my feelings and try and try and try to make sure he never knows that I don't love him the way I should. I do love him, I just don't miss him when he's at work or care if he goes out(he doesn't) or anything else. It's just a commitment to me that I have to honor.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Living like that will continue to make you unhappy. Maybe you guys were young when you got married. I am only 27 and I thought I would stay with my sons father, we wer together for almost 8 years. I realized I couldn't spend my life with him. It is hard but you need to be happy and the kids will eventually see it.
    Prican91181

    Answer by Prican91181 at 10:05 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • In my opinion, You married him feeling this way, you are having your second child with this man, from what you have said he takes care of you and your kids, and he doesnt hurt you or abuse you in any way. I think you need to go get counseling yourself, but seeing as how things havent really changed, and no one is in danger you owe it to your kids at least to stay and try to work it out, they beed a dad, they come first, and they arent in any danger.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Love is about commitment, and it really is nothing more than a choice. Too many people think it's feeling all warm and fuzzy all the time and getting heart palpitations every time the beloved walks into the room. Also, love is much more about giving than it is about getting. It's really remarkable how our feelins change when we start to think correct thoughts. Instead of think about how unhappy you are, start thinking about all the blessings that you have. Your two children would be a good place to start. Then remind yourself that your babies need a daddy and that the man who is your husband is the man you chose to be their daddy. Think only on the good things, and your feelings will follow. There is no such thing as being "in love" 100% of the time. Do loving things and you will feel more loving. Choose to be happy and you will be happy. And you will receive way more than you give. Sounds like you have a good man.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:39 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • NannyB...I always love your answers...good sound advice!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:24 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Stay with him long enough to raise the kids (17-18 yrs.) and then separate/divorce. If that doesnt sound like something you can do maybe just tell him daily that you wanna separate.
    MichaelsMomm122

    Answer by MichaelsMomm122 at 11:32 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I have the same situation with my fiance about him working a lot. Between him working at three hospitals I hardly see him and on his days off I have to work. I love my fiance but that is the schedule and life style I have to get use to because I love him. You might want to sit down and talk to him since he does not like to go to couseling. It depends too how much do you want to take it also. Good luck
    lily7

    Answer by lily7 at 12:30 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

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