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My OWN mother has a problem with me.

OK back in November me and my hunny split up (temporarly) so my mom says me and my 3 kids could stay with her until I got on my feet again. OK Well a month later me and my hunny got back together and worked things out. Only one of my sons was in school. My mom convinced me to let him stay until spring break 09. So I said ok, bc I didnt want him jumping around to different school. (we live 100 miles away) I already felt like I had lost apart of me by leaving him. But he was happy and thats all that mattered to me. Well here is spring break, and we go to her house yesterday to get the rest of his stuff to move to my house. She gets emotional, and begs me to let him stay longer, he said no so I was going with that. Well today she calls and is mad at me, and cusses at me and tells me hurtful things like that my son thinks I am anoying, and that he hates when I call him or txt his fone. She tries to make me feel bad. What do I do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Ask your son about it, tell him he can be truthful with you about how he feels. And ignore the things your mom says
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Tell her you are the MOM and your son will be coming home no matter what.. You screwed up when you let your son stay in the first place! You need to remember who the parent is and act like it.. Sorry if that came off blunt but you asked the question...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Children don't like change, so wherever he is, is where he wants to be. Bring him home with you where he belongs. If he whines, then tell him you understand that he is sad about moving, but that he is with his family where he belongs now.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:37 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • She got very attached to him, which is normal and in her pain of him leaving she's saying hurtful things. Tell her that you know you annoy him sometimes just like she does you, that's what Mom's do, but it doesn't mean you don't love them and that sometimes a child may think their Mom is smothering them but again, that's what a Mom does sometimes. Tell her she's welcome to call or come visit as often as she'd like, that she's always welcome and that you appreciate her taking you in when you needed somewhere to go and appreciated her letting him stay on till spring break (why wait till spring break or not until the end of school year doesn't make much sense to me tho) and that you love her and know her heart is breaking right now because it must feel like she's losing another one of her babies (because that's how it feels to her I'm sure just like it would with a foster Mom).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:43 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Spring break was when he wanted to come back. The original plan was the end of the year. But he missed all of us to much. I know I messed up by leaving him there. Trust me it killed me to leave him there. He was just doing so well, and was happy. But he started giving my mom problems bc he wanted to move back, and she would tell him he couldnt until the end of the year. So he had called me before Valentines day and told me this so thats where him coming back at Spring Break came up. But she does get atttached, and I understand. I told her that she could see him every other weekend, and we will do holidays like before. But he always wanted to live with her since he was littler, and now I think this is outta his system and wants to remain here from now on. Like I said before I know I made a mistake, and I am now learning from this. But dont get me wrong he came over every weekend. I bought all his groceries, and clothes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I would even go once a week to eat lunch with him at school. We lived 100 miles apart, but I was basiclly there for everything he had going on at school. V-day party, christmas party and etc. So it wasnt like we never seen eachother or anything. I finacially supported him in everyway/
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I wouldn't put your son in the uncomfortable position of being between you and your mom. I'm assuming that your son is older as he has a cell. That being the case what boy dosen't think his mom is annoying, hates when she text's or calls, especially when he's with his friends.
    Your mom likely loved having him there and is hurt that he's gone. Unfortuantely she's taking it out on you. How have things been now that your son is home with you? Any problems there? If it's only coming from your mom then just let things cool off until she stops saying hirtful things to you.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 11:57 AM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • That explains a little bit to me... all these years he's wanted to live with her and she likely knew that and then once he got there, he wanted to leave so she's not only hurt because he went home, but because he asked to go home early. I hope you didn't think I thought you just dropped him off and didn't look back. No normal Mom would've done that and it's none of my business whether you gave grocery money or not, but most normal people would send money, and go visit their child.
    Her saying what she did and maybe why is what I was focused on. That she purposely said things to hurt you because she's hurt. I'm not sure you made a mistake in letting him stay there. He saw that some of the choices we make aren't going to work for us after all, even tho they feel like they might be at the time, and that sometimes when you make them, you have to see it thru. Which will help him to make choices more carefully now.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:02 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • my best friend has a mom EXACTLY like this. For some reason, her parents always want her kids and like yourself, when her and her husband and then another bf broke up, she always came to stay with them...but just last yr, she got a new bf and moved out and her parents said she will never amount to anything and that this guy will dump her again and that she should leave the kids with them or they will take her to court ((over nothing)) and TAKE the kids. What the hell is wrong with ppl? I always thought parents are supposed to LOVE their children and try to support them no matter what, not tearing them down. I have no advice, but to just cut off contact until your mother can be more respectful to you.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 12:12 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I am sorry I forgot to say my son is 7 yrs old and in the 1st grade. He has a Cell phone bc my mom wanted to talk to him whenever. And about the phone calls I made to him or txting, it was only in the am when he was going to school, and at 3 pm when he got out, he also called me every night at 9 pm. I only txt him a few times when I wasnt able to call. But he told me today that he loved when I called him and that he would wait for my call bc they were always the same time everyday.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

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