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Would you adopt a friends baby?

What do you think it would do to the friendship....can you still be friends of you are raising her child? Can you still vent about your frustrations and fears, as well as celebrate with her, without her feeling bad?

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christyg

Asked by christyg at 12:20 PM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Level 10 (469 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It would depend on the friendship and if she is giving the baby up because she feel that she has to or if it is totally her choice. I think it would take alot of serious discussion and "what ifs".
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 12:24 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I'm not sure... closest thing I know to that is my MIL and FIL adopted a relative and it still worked out great. Had no one told me, I'd have suspected she was a relative but not sure from which one just because of her looks.
    The thing that would worry me the most is getting my hopes up an then her backing out of the deal later and I'd have to always tell the child she was adopted and later tell her who gave birth to her so that there's no secrets for your friend to use against you later.
    And yea, I think you could vent to her, if she's still your friend later, she'll see why you're frustrated but it'll be harder on her than it will be you for her to be around the child I'd guess.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:24 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • it would change the dynamic of the friendship definitely. It depends of the situation and the friend I suppose, do you think they would be mature about it. Giving up a baby for adoption comes with alot of grieving too, I would maybe go to counseling together also, it is not uncommon to have adoptive parents and bio parents do this even if they dont know eachother. Maybe you have to find other outlets about your feeling while still being honest with eachother about everything, so that you arent ruining the friendship
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 12:26 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I did. And yes, it does change the friendship ALOT. Personally, its something I wouldn't recommend to EVERYONE (some situations may be ok). Its very difficult. We used to talk 24/7 and everything..but then, after our baby came, it was like we didn't have all the time in the world to text and talk...not only that, she felt like she was intruding...and honestly, I felt weird saying "Can you call back later, the baby needs to eat" . Like I was brushing her off..
    It was hard.
    babycakes254

    Answer by babycakes254 at 12:28 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I would say not. I think it would be best for all if you did not see her for a few years till the things settle down. You can not go to her to vent, sorry
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 12:31 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Please talk to my friend Peanut_Farley (Michelle) here on CM. Her good friend adopted her son who's now 10 years old and they are still great friends. She can answer a ton of your questions. She and her friend laugh, talk, vent, etc... If you'd like, I can ask her to talk to you.
    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 12:34 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I tried to. My friend was 23 weeks pregnant. She broke up with the father and decided to abort the baby because she was angry at the father. Her exact words were, he wanted a baby so bad, so now he can't it or me. I begged her for days to let me adopt the baby or just give the baby up, but she had the abortion anyway. That was 8 years ago. I haven't spoken to her since.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • To answer some of the questions...
    1..YES, this would totally be by choice on both of our parts!
    2. I'm not really worried about her backing out at the last minute. My first choice would be for her to keep the baby.
    3. I think we could both be mature about it, we both have 4 kids already, so it would be a very well know fact among both families. But, I like the idea of going to counseling together.
    4. I cannot take a few years off and "not see her". She is my BFF and just like a sister to me.
    5. I would love to talk to anyone who has been through this, both good and bad! Can you ask her (Michelle) to message me if she is willing to talk about it?
    6. I'm so sorry anon that she did this. I yelled, screamed, and cursed at my friend when she was about to get an abortion! Luckily, she listened to me =)
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 1:35 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

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