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A long one....need some advice.....

(Bare with me)

I'm a bartender, and occasionally my boss will drink on the job. At times he can be inappropriate with the bartenders (me included); sometimes even when his wife is there at the bar.

We have (had) a great relationship until about a month ago when she vocalized her feelings to me about the inappropriateness. Since then we have argued and the relationship has turned toxic in that he degrades me in front of the customers and other employees.

I've been able to deal with it because I make up $300 a night at this wine bar: a classier place in town. Up until yesterday the benefits outweighed the challenges.

Last night (after we were all hanging out having a good time, and I thought all was well) my boyfriend gave my boss a ride home. He (my boss) was CLEARLY intoxicated but felt as though he needed to "clear the air" with my bf. This turned into an all out rant by the end of the conversation (cont. in comments)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Mar. 23, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (7)
  • (cont.)

    ....when my boss told my bf that I wasn't good for him, and that I wasn't good for my fact he was trying to tell him things about that are, to be quite honest, embarrassing (nothing my bf didn't already know, I don't lie).

    QUESTION: I make a LOT of money at this place, and I have a lot of fun, but I just can't pretend like what my boss said last night didn't happen (which is what I will have to do if I want to continue working there).

    My bf is FURIOUS with the way my boss acted, and him being the stellar guy that he is only refrained from kicking ass because he didn't want me to lose my job.

    SHEESH! I've never been in this situation before and honestly don't know what to do. I'm a second away from calling my boss and telling him I will not be coming in tonight for work.

    ANY advice would be GREATLY appreciated!


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I would suck it up until you find something else. Sucks you are going through this. Anyother time I would say get out of there, but in this economy you don't want to be stuck with no job. I would be tempted to tell your boss that he said alot he shouldn't have said and that you don't appreciate it. He may apologize and he may not...but it doesn't mean you can't go in a little miffed today.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:23 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • I think that's a crappy situation to be in at work. If you stay, you are going to have to keep dealing with this, which sucks. Are there not other places in your town you can go to make as much money? Or even take a slight pay cut? You might even try reporting your boss to some sort of organization, like the Better Business Bureau. I think you can do it annoyomously.

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:25 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Thanks for the input ladies.

    Our town doesn't have a smoke-free policy, so I really couldn't bartend anywhere else (unless I wanted to die of lung cancer and smell like an ashtray).

    Ria: I think, as hard as it may be I might just have to suck it up and not say anything. He said some awful things to my bf. I'm not sure why he would have done that. The only reason I can think of is because my bf owns a hotel/cafe, and is somewhat of a "prominent" figure in this town and could potentially be in competition with him, so he doesn't want me to be with him. In addition, when I first started seeing my bf, my boss was telling me how shady my bf was (*laugh* of the nicest, sweetest people I've ever encountered). Now he is doing the same to my bf (behind my back). My bf thinks that there are some control issues now because I'm not the single naive person that I was when I wasn't with my bf.

    It is just so confusing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Sara: you are right. This is certainly an unhealthy position for me. There is no doubt about that. My bf is opening up a little tourist bar-type thing and asked me if I wanted to run it.

    I would do it in a heartbeat, but I don't want to mix business with pleasure (as I have in this situation, which got me into this mess to begin with!) I don't plan on my bf and I breaking up anytime (ever!) but I can't put all my eggs into one basket either.

    ERG. So frustrating.

    If it were you, would you put up with an "abusive" work environment like this? Honestly?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Nope, no matter how good the money was. And if you and your boyfriend aren't going to break up, than why not go for it? Your going to be running it, maybe he won't have much to do with it you know? Or maybe it could be something that would bring you two together.

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:41 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

  • Can you talk to someone above him? It depends on how far you want to take the matter but I know things can be done to solve the problem..Maybe leaving is the best thing to do so that you do not fear or hate going to work...But like someone else said, finding a job nowadays isnt easy. I work from home thank goodness. Maybe that is an option for you.

    Answer by OmarisMommy08 at 7:18 PM on Mar. 23, 2009

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