Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

9 yr olds????

my daughter is having problems with all her friends...her (bff)is calling her stupid.and her other friend is just doing alsorts of strange things.not including her any more in activities.it seems to be all the girls are making fun of her in some way.how can i figure out what the heck the problem is.she is very sad.on sunday we had all the girls over and everything was great.but yesterday when her one friend was at hockey practice she invited her other one over.well the other girl got very mad at her and she came home crying.and the other girls just dont seem to want to play with her.we saw one family at the mall and the mom said hi but the girl didnt say anything.so it seems to be all the girls. i talked to the school and they say oh there is no problem .and i know from prior that they dont want to get involved.you always want your kid to have friends.its just not working in any way..suggestions

Answer Question
 
snowmom974

Asked by snowmom974 at 9:15 AM on Mar. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • girls, girls, girls......if one starts making fun, then others will follow just so that THEY wont be left out. It is very sad, but in a way your daughter will learn something about life here. Does she have at least 1 friend that is loyal to her? If so then she should just stick to her. But if not, then i would suggest to your daughter to be open, & tell her friends that her feelings are hurt. This is why I always hung with the boys. I was very close to my brother & learned to have fun w/ boys & not girls. I could never handle the competition, & games they played. I just wanted to have fun w/ out the drama. To this day, my best friends are all guys......and i love the lack of drama in my life.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:21 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I'm sorry your daughter is dealing with this. It's unfair. Have you tried talking to the mothers of your daughter's closest friends? They probably don't know what's going on but if they bring it up with their daughters, maybe something will come out. My daughter is not 9 yet, but I remember that age, and the pettiness and bullying that goes on. Bullying by girls is not always recognized as bullying because it appears as you have described -- being mean and leaving girls out.
    This is the age when peer pressure starts, and belonging to the in-group becomes more important. Find out if the school has an anti-bullying program and if not, push for it, for the sake of your daughter.
    Other than that, just be there for your daughter and let her know she does not have to be defined by other people's behavior and opinions. It's a hard lesson, and one she won't learn overnight. I hope things improve for her.
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 9:33 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Kids are so mean!! I'd suggest she find a new group of friends. I know it's not that easy, but maybe there is another girl or two who she wouldn't mind having as a new friend. I think the best defense to these mean girls is to not let them know it bothers her. I have boys and they get into arguments with their friends, but it lasts a day or so and they're over it. I remember these kinds of things happening when I was a kid though, and it was often over something stupid, like so-and-so wore the wrong kind of jeans. Good luck and I hope your DD doesn't let them affect her too much!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Anyone who has raised both sexes will tell you girls are the absolute worst! I have two DD's that are 15 and 18. This has been a come and go problem their entire lives. "you can be my friend but no one elses blah blah blah" Mean Girls the movie is about right on. It is disgusting to me and I have raised my girls better than that but it does happen. I know how hard it is to not intervien but unless she is getting abused verbally or physically then it will more than likely blow over. Your DD may be a bit less agressive and more easily hurt by the crap of others...I know mine were. Perhaps have her concentrate on one friend in particular. I usually tell them wait three days and it will blow over and it usually does...this also works with adults lol. Good luck. PM me if you like and we can chat.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:00 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Sad to say, but this is pretty much typical little girl behavior. Those children have not been properly taught by their parents how to treat others. I would just tell my child to look around at school for some other little girl who appears to be lonely and needing friends. Then tell her to pursue being friends with that child. What you will probably see is those other little girls being jealous of your child's new friend. I would also stress to my child that she is not the one who has a problem. It is the other girls who have the problem and it is that they simply don't know how to treat others. Then tell her to make it her goal to not be like them and to not be dependent on their friendship to be able to feel good about who she is as a person. Then point out all the things about her that make her a friend that people who knew how to choose a friend would want in a friend. You can do this, Mom. It's them, not her!!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:06 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I know exactly what you are going through. I have a daughter who just turned 10 in March, she has been there with her so called friends as well. I have learned that it is best to try and let them work these things out on there own. I tell our daughter not to be mean, to be polite always to them, then they can not say anything bad about her. Do not stoop to their level of being rude. She understands to a point, but at this age it is hard for them to understand totally what we already know. I disagree with NannyB , it is not always that the child was not properly taught by their parents. We have taught and continue to teach her right from wrong, it is the age! If you are kind to these kids, they take you for granted , if you are mean sometimes they like you better. My daughter has to figure this out on her own, and I beleive your daughter will as well. We cannot be there with them always. We can just show them the step
    goochie

    Answer by goochie at 4:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN