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How do i handel my ex having anouther child to his new girlfriend and how do i help my 2 year old.

my ex isnt what you would call father of the year. i have as little contact as humaly possible with him. he has contact with my son every other weekend and every other tuesday afternoon. most of the time he just leaves my son with his mother or if he is with him he doesnt look after him properly. my ex was extreamly abusiv to myself whilst we were togeather and even when we werent. now his new 18 year old girlfriend is pregnant and im really really angry and i dont understand why. i know that the little attention my son does get is going to be reduced again. i just dont know what to do. iv recently started persuing a relationship with a new man and he is wonderful. i dont want to let this interfear with it either.

 
thexbluexfairy

Asked by thexbluexfairy at 9:56 AM on Mar. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • we have a pillow in our house that reads: Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad....
    If your son isn't be neglected, there really isnt anything you can do. It good that he is also spending time with his grandmother. she might end up being a huge support person later in life for him. Maybe you can work on communication with her, to make his visits more comfortable for you. you can hope having another child will bring some enlightenment to the X and make him a better man. But I wouldnt count on that. My husbands dad took off when he was 2, when he was 4 became a dad again, raised that child always having custody and was in her life but never became a Dad to him. people suck. but maybe someday you too will have a new person in your life having more children with that will be able to be a step parent to your child as well.
    Kerinmomof2

    Answer by Kerinmomof2 at 10:45 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I don't understand why you are angry about the new baby? I can understand you being upset over your son losing what precious time he has with his father, but if he can handle it then so should you. If you feel like your son isn't getting quality time with his father then you need to speak up. Your son deserves better than that. I wish you all the luck.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 10:01 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Your angry because you wish that your child could have a father of the year. And now that he is having another child, it's going to take some of his time away from your child, and i'm sure there is a side of you that thinks he should probably stop making baby's if he cant be a good dad to the one he already has. It's ok to be a lil angry, you will get over it. If you end up being w/ this new fellow, let him know your child comes first, this way you will know from the get-go if he is OK with this or not. Some men are not.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:03 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Is the visitation your EX gets with your/his son in the divorce??If it is not I would stop my son from going to see him..

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:11 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • why does him having another child mean that he won't spend as much time with your child? That is not necessarily true and you should not jump to conclusions. Why you are angry? You shouldn't be unless you are jealous that is having another baby. BUT it has nothing to do with you. And you can not stop visitation with the father like the pp stated. That will look bad on YOU
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 10:16 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • i dont have a choice about the visitation. it doesnt matter in the eyes of the court that he comes home having nightterrors, swearing better that guys in a bar on a friday after work, hungry, exposed to extream pornography, the list goes on. it seems unless he comes home black and blue they wont do anything.

    im at my wits end. and now the neglect is just going to get worse. and ive been told that my ex has now started to become abusiv towards his new girlfriend. and still it seems i cant do anything.
    thexbluexfairy

    Answer by thexbluexfairy at 10:19 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I don't buy that. I am sorry but I don't. Can you prove these things you say? If you can, the court WOULD do something. You are starting to sound like you are just jealous of his new girlfriend and are out to make his life miserable .... not being mean or bashing- just calling it like I see it.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 10:25 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I would think you would be happy that he is having another baby with another girl. This you can keep your son with you more than a loser of a father.
    You don't get it but if he was abusive with you than is going to abusive with your son and his new girl. You want your son to be around that??
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:35 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • i do have proof, i have video recordings of my son, i have written statements from people who have seen it and i have supeanad (sp) the file that has over 40 concern and saftey reports from the department of child saftey. i know what my exs porn collection used to be like and i have seen what he had on dispaly in his lounge room and it was like a adult shop.

    mediation is how we gained our parenting orders and i have no more government funding to do this again. it will cost me $10,000 to get the court process started and its going to take me a while to get this kind of money.

    i truly am not jelouse of his new girlfriend. It took me a police enforced restraining order to keep him away from me if anything i am scared of him but my concern now is my son.
    thexbluexfairy

    Answer by thexbluexfairy at 10:36 AM on Mar. 24, 2009